54.1 - Delving (Alycia and Summer)

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24

*** Dave H. said:

[I don’t, but I reserve the right to reopen the thread if I think of something. :slight_smile: Alycia’s initial foray regarding religion/spirituality with Summer was to raise the issue of Daph, which she’s vaguely worried about, but the conversation forked there without an easy segue back. I’ll ponder. Thanks!]

“You have the whole butterfly thing going on with your costume… where did that come from?” (Summer explains) “I have a friend with that kinda theme… Can we talk about that…?” - and Summer explicitly said she’d like to hear more about Daph, so it’s on the table.

author: Bill G.
url: Community Forums: 54.1 - Delving (Alycia and Summer) | Roll20: Online virtual tabletop

25

Actually, if it helps, I’m working on a thing where Summer sends a new costume design out to friends. If it makes sense to jump on there with this angle, feel free once it’s up

author: Bill G.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6838142

26

[I’m cool with treating the costume thing separately. But your other thought …]

author: *** Dave H.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6838535

27

The pair are getting to the end of the flower bed in relative quiet – or at least the conversation is task-oriented. It’s probably ironic that most people, noting the geometric precision (a triangular grid) of the marigold plantings, would attribute it to Summer, the robot, while instead it’s Alycia’s doing.

As they are putting in the last flower, Alycia pauses, looking at something. Summer follows her gaze, to see a lovely blue/purple butterfly flitting about the marigolds, then land on the previous flower planted. Alycia’s eyes narrow, and, after a moment, she waves her hand at it, and it flutters off under Alycia’s watchful eye.

Image result for Pipevine swallowtail butterflies north carolina

“So, question,” she says, briskly turning back to that last flower. “And this actually has pertinence across a couple of discussion topics, before it seems out of, as you Americans say, left field: you have adopted with your costume and powers a butterfly motif. Was there --” She pauses, selecting words. “-- an inspiration for that?”

author: *** Dave H.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6838717

28

“I had a dream,” Summer explains with a smile.

It takes her less than a minute to summarize, and some of what she remembers goes unsaid. But the important bits are there.

“So was the Glade talking to me? I don’t think so. Or don’t know. Or doesn’t matter. I got to thinking, though. Where do butterflies come from? They’re mysterious, and beautiful, and sort of um, not-quite-there. That’s what I wanted Radiance to be. Kind of a magical champion, and I pictured the butterflies calling her to it.”

author: Bill G.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6838746

29

Alycia looks at her with her head cocked. “Um – you do know that we actually know ‘where butterflies come from,’ right? Egg, caterpillar, chrysalis, adult? I mean, in the Grove, who the hell knows, but …”

She lets that trail off a minute while they wrap up, and climb to their feet with an ease that stirs jealousy from the middle-aged man working in the garden across the street. Alycia looks over the bed, pulling off her gloves. “Excellent. I’ve made sure the sprinkler system is set up to irrigate this side now, though the timer on it is inexcusably crude. I might have to do something about that.”

She starts to say something to Summer, then noticing the butterfly again, flitting between their plantings. Pipevine swallowtail. Usually found in forests, but not unknown in the city. Still … Alycia always does at least a light review of insects and other species in areas where she’s going to be operating for any length of time. Since that incident in Gambia, at least. “I need something cold to drink.” She grabs the bucket of garden supplies and heads toward the house.

Once inside, and with iced tea (deliberately unsweetened) in hand in the kitchen, Alycia swings back to the topic. “I have a --” She only bobbles over the word a half-second. “-- friend at school. Daph Palin. Soccer captain, tall blonde?” Alycia snorts. “I know, I know, me and ‘friends,’ go figure. Anyway, she’s a meta, too. Kind of. Found a lost tomb in Greece, encountered some mysterious ‘god’ named Palamedes, who said she was his new high priestess and who gave her magical powers. And, now, apparently, butterflies are her go-to fashion statement, thanks to her patron, whether she likes it or not. Even though she doesn’t actually want the job.”

She takes another sip of tea, lets Summer connect any dots

author: *** Dave H.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6839528

30

Summer rolls her eyes at the biology lesson. Yes, dumb robot is slow right now, mainspring is winding down, please help.

I don’t know why that bothered me so much. Maybe because she’s one of the few people who can keep up with me, no matter what I talk about, and being told I’m stupid by someone like that is a vulnerable point. She reflects on Leo, and Jason, and Nono. Or I just have a thing for tortured teen geniuses.

“I neglected to tell you. Palamedes has a new high priestess, and it’s the Princess Radiance.” She keeps a straight face and a deep and level voice for as long as possible, but it can’t last, and a grin bursts forth in its place.

“Oh, geez, that’s rich with possibilities, isn’t it?” Summer rubs her hands together. “Does she know, for sure, what the job is? If the powers are still with her, maybe this Palamedes is happy with her after all. Or can’t remove them - but why not? Or she’s not told you the truth. Or her patron didn’t tell her the truth. But that’s still exciting, y’know, magical and mysterious.”

She ticks off options on fingertips, mostly for herself. “So, you know she’s not a superhero. She doesn’t know you are one, if I remember right. So that’s twisty. I can’t even imagine what your conversations about heroes must be like. Um, some bright spark might look at her mundane fashion, and my costume choice, and decide that Daph is really Radiance.”

“Maybe butterflies really are messengers of mystery. Yes, I know where they come from biologically, that’s not, um, what I was talking about. More like, um, our intuition or our collective unconscious or whatever discredited Jungian thing. We dislike a lot of insects, because they’re gross or ugly or harmful, but butterflies are cute and playful and pretty and stuff. We domesticate animals and keep them around the homestead, but not butterflies. So they occupy a uh, kind of a special niche in our consciousness. They’re exceptions to our intuitions, and that to us is a signal of mystery and magic.”

She ticks off the last point. “So maybe the most significant thing here is that you, Alycia Chin, are surrounded by butterfly-themed magic girls who want to be your friend. What does your future hold?” She does her best to impart occult significance to this pronouncement, but waggling her eyebrows the way she does fails completely at this objective.

author: Bill G.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6839792

31

“I neglected to tell you. Palamedes has a new high priestess, and it’s the Princess Radiance.” Alycia’s non-expression is a wonder to behold, betraying alarm not through overtness, but by locking completely down – and then twisting in irritation when Summer breaks into a grin.

Oh, good. Now I’ve got her laughing at me. Well done. Alycia listens as Summer ticks off “possibilities.” At the end she says, “As far as I know, Daph’s telling me the truth – or at least isn’t lying anything. I don’t have all the data, and there’s enough mind-tweaking phenomena in her story that I can’t be confident that she knows everything that happened. As she told it, the high priestess role lay in advancing ‘freedom and joy’ in the world, which sounds laudable in a volunteer gig, not so much when the duty is thrust on you – as someone who was recently saying she was uncomfortable about creators assigning people a purpose, I’d think you’d appreciate that, rather than ooh and aah about it being exciting and magical.”

Alycia realizes she’s feeling defensive on Daph’s behalf against Summer – dammit, I told this story out of caution and concern, and she’s not even seeing the potential for problems here. "Daph knows she’s not doing whatever the assignment entails because she’s not using her powers, and her dreams are interrupted by wheedling from this ‘god’ to get with the program. All she wants is a quiet life someplace without becoming some Champion for the Cause, but this Palamedes won’t take no for an answer. So, yeah, I’m worried for her.

“And then you start doing the butterfly thing, and that’s enough of a coincidence – co-incidence --” Alycia repeats the word, breaking it out to clarify the meaning she intends. “-- to warrant a threat analysis. Human beings are really good, cognitively, at one thing: finding patterns, connections, correlations, causalities. It’s a really useful survival technique. We’re too good at it, actually – we have a high false positive rate, finding links and explanations where they don’t exist. Superstitions. Conspiracy Theories. Popular Science. Romantic Comedies. So I don’t make any assumptions there is a connection, but I’m not going to ignore the possibility, either.”

She drinks some more iced tea, puts the glass back on the counter a bit harder than perhaps intended. “And, yeah, butterflies are pretty, and their cultural role is in fact kind of fascinating – and maybe that’s part of this thing or not. Who could think of butterflies as threatening? All I know is that, yes, I’m surrounded by – or at least aware of – two ‘butterfly-themed magic girls,’ whom I think of as friends and therefore have concern for. If I assume you have told me the truth, or that your intuitions about the Grove and butterflies and all of that aren’t something lying to you – then I still can’t conclude things one way or the other.” She raises an eyebrow, but her expression is anything but amused, or even happy. “So I guess my future holds more watchfulness and looking for stronger patterns.”

author: *** Dave H.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6839890

32

Summer grows more serious. She’s still smiling, but it’s that supportive I’m-going-to-help-you smile, not the occasionally maddening you’re-just-being-silly smile or the fan favorite that’s-adorable-why-are-you-treating-this-so-serious smile.

“What you haven’t told me is the story of Daph going to some kind of psychic or wizard or occultist to see about breaking out of this effect. You haven’t recruited me to help, or to - well, let’s take this at face value for a second - be high priestess in her place, since freedom and joy are my jams too. Nobody’s talking about taking the Phoenix to Greece to march into the temple. I haven’t really heard anything that says that your friend, or you for her sake, want to make this situation end.”

“Does she? Do you?”

“Leo doesn’t have some mind control whammy in my head, saying ‘love me love me love me’, against my will. He’s just there, in my memories of childhood, being an amazing guy. What made me uncomfortable was that it wasn’t against my will, it was my will too, but I knew I’d been made to be happy with it. There’s a story about an alien robot that comes to Earth, and asks for help because he’s the front line of an invasion, but he doesn’t want Earth to be taken over, but he can’t fight back because his masters made him incapable of hating them… Only he knows he should.”

“So, y’know, I’m sympathetic, and maybe you’re asking this because Daph can’t, for reasons like I just gave. But what do you want me to do about it, other than be paranoid with you? I can do that, but I mean, part of this is you too. You have so much unexpressed love in you, Alycia, you’re so scared of letting it show, and I know it must hurt. And I feel like you’ve been someone’s tool for so long that you’re unwilling for anyone to be pawn of anything greater, no matter the cause. Maybe you’ve already thought about this, maybe not, but, y’know, think about it, okay? What do people really want here, and why?”

She grins, a little brighter. “If you do ask me to go to Greece and throw down with a god, though, I’m totally in. Just saying.”

author: Bill G.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6839920

33

Alycia restrains herself from reacting during Summer’s speech. The whole thing has gotten hotter, faster, than she’s expected, let alone intended.

The last line, though prompts a bark of laughter. “Of course you are,” she replies. “I mean, we’ve been fighting toe-to-toe with Giant Cemetery Faces and Doctor Infinity, what’s some obscure god. Also, Greece is lovely, if you can get past a few thousand years of various empires trashing the place.”

She shakes her head, with a fading smile. “You raise some good points. I haven’t talked with Daph about her trying to get rid of this thing – I was bringing it up more as …” She shrugs. “Something I was concerned about for her – maybe to ask our advice about, or about that secret identity thing. Also something that intersected that religion topic we talked about, assuming this ‘god’ designation is at all meaningful. Something that struck me as coincidental between you and her, which had my instincts signaling yellow alert.”

Alycia shrugs. “So part of it, I guess, was passing on the paranoia – or, more properly, sharing intel. I’m still not comfortable with that Grove, anyway. That might also be coloring my thinking here.”

She goes back and refills her glass from the pitcher in the fridge. They’ll need to make more tea soon. “I can talk with her about what she wants to do about it. I mean, I think she’s just hoping that this Palamedes will give up and move along – taking the power stuff along or not.” She pauses a moment. “I don’t know that I agree with her on that. I mean, she can do some amazing stuff, from what she says. Not using those abilities feels … wrong. I understand not wanting to be forced into it, that she has plans for her life. but …” She shakes her head again. And I don’t feel comfortable telling Daph that, either. Like that makes me complicit with the coersion. Ugh.

Alycia lets her mind skip past the other bits Summer raised. She just adds, with a crooked smile, “Though maybe it’s paranoia at that if I start glaring at every butterfly that comes by.”

author: *** Dave H.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6840028

34

“It’s good to be concerned about your friends,” agrees Summer. “I’m glad you said something. And I will help, whether it’s challenging a god, or just hanging out sometime. Just let me know what you think is appropriate.”

She leans back against the countertop, and lets out a sigh. “But I think ultimately, it’s what Daph wants that matters more than you or I. We can worry about her, or support her, or fight for her, but let’s find out what she really needs before we do any of those things, okay?”

The next words come slowly and fitfully.

“I… I think it’s also okay for someone to take their friends’ feelings into account, when they make life choices for themselves.”

“So, um, I’m gonna change costumes. So that you’ll feel better.” She speaks more quickly, jumping in before the wrong idea can take hold. “I’m not saying, like, you can’t handle Radiance, or that you couldn’t swallow your discomfort. I’m saying, um, that as your friend, I think you shouldn’t have to. So, I’ll, uh, I’ll do something else.”

author: Bill G.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6840045

35

I am aesthetically ecstatic and personally mortified. Alycia feels a deep pang of guilt for somehow … taking something from Summer. It was the right and honest thing to do. I just wish …

“If you think it’s the right thing to do, then do it. I mean, you wear it --” Even if we have to look at it. “-- and it should reflect you, right? And your basic idea – feeling safe to people, projecting comfort, strength, being magical … that’s all good. That’s great in fact – it’s you. I just …” She chews her lower lip a moment. “Just know it as the costume, not the idea, and not you, that I didn’t get. And, as – your friend --” I kind of wish I hadn’t said anything. "-- it’s your thing. Um, I’d rather be discomforted than feel like I somehow made you feel bad about something important to you.

author: *** Dave H.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6840734

36

Summer sighs, and thinks a moment. Alycia was distressed by Radiance, and is distressed at her giving Radiance up. Is there no good answer?

No, there is one. Embrace the variability of your identity.

“Look at it like a metaphysical science experiment, like I was saying,” she says. “If it’s coincidence, and not um, shared influence, that draws both Daph and I to the butterfly motif, then I should be able to change it. And if I let you talk me out of it, then maybe you were being influenced too, right? But if I actually go through with changing it, we both know that it’s really my choice.”

“And it’s not like I’ll delete Radiance. If we both agree that it’s okay, I’ll keep using it. Just maybe not all the time, to give you a break. And y’know, I can show it to Daph, if you think it wouldn’t bother her, because she might have some insight into the butterfly question too.”

The girl smiles again, in what she hopes is her best reassuring and welcoming way. “Anyway. If I had to choose between my costume and my friend’s comfort, I’ll choose my friends every time. That reflects who I am. Or want to be. You’re important to me. Okay? I promise it’s okay.”

It’s either this, or duct-tape her to a chair for five seasons of Pretty Cure. I could probably rebuild her shattered psyche after a few weeks… Summer knows she’d never actually do anything like this, but the idea of Alycia as Wednesday Addams at summer camp is sort of amusing.

A wonderful thought bubbles into her mind. “Oh. Oh! I want to show you my VR workshop. I can project it into space, so you can interact with objects in there too. Um, probably in the bedroom is safest. Do you wanna see it? You can help me tune the new look, but I’ve already got some ideas.” She’s actually kind of excited now.

A bit of meta: the comparison to Janet van Dyne has been made, but one of the classic magical girls, Sakura, is also well known for going through numerous costume changes (thanks to her obsessed fashion designer friend Tomoyo). Ultimately Summer (and I) would be happier for Alycia to feel comfortable voicing her opinions, so I consider this a win.

On top of that, though, the trend that feels like it’s emerging for her is persuasion and misdirection and illusion - like a good-aligned Loki, rather than a hard-hitting Thor the way Leo works. So having a variety of looks serves her story too.

author: Bill G.
url: Community Forums: 54.1 - Delving (Alycia and Summer) | Roll20: Online virtual tabletop

37

If Alycia has more, she should go for it. But so far I feel like we got through three things well (spiritual beliefs, the costume, Daph), and even tied the three of them together. I also hope Summer’s message got through, that she’s taking Alycia’s concerns seriously, but also wants to make sure Alycia’s presumed biases aren’t affecting that.

I feel there’s a line between Summer being empathetic and compromising, and being pitying and patronizing. If I cross that line, it’s unintentional and I’d like to hear about it as the person writing for her.

author: Bill G.
url: Community Forums: 54.1 - Delving (Alycia and Summer) | Roll20: Online virtual tabletop

38

Alycia frowns slightly. “Hmm. If you select a different symbol, does that demonstrate you’re not under some common influence? That’s actually an interesting hypothesis.” Then she grins. “Or maybe that’s just what they want us to think!”

She sucks on an ice cube for a moment, then sighs. “We don’t know enough. We don’t even know that there is something to know. It’s a correlation, but not enough to be actionable, except for data gathering tests like that. I don’t need to act, in order to be on guard for it.” A smile. “In military intel terms, call it ‘unusual vehicle movements.’ Can’t even be sure it’s troops yet. Just something to let the resident paranoid sweat.” She shrugs, then adds, “If every possible threat were true, we’d be dead. False positives, like I said.”

She starts to say something further – then pauses, and closes her mouth with a small head shake. “I’ll talk more with Daph, to find out what she wants. And let you know if there’s anything --” She shrugs again.

This was a mistake. She’s so concerned about my welfare and happiness, it’s tough to chart any other influences – if any – or to get her take it seriously – if she even should. I guess that’s the thing about friendship – knowing the limitations of others. And your own.

Alycia claps her hands together. “I’m about ready to do something that isn’t under the hot sun.” She thinks of Egypt, many years ago. Weird times. “I don’t know I can be much help in fashion design, but clearly I can hint about stuff I don’t like, if that would be a help.”

author: *** Dave H.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6843206

39

Summer hasn’t really tried this before, despite her confidence. But it should work. Butterflies - or should she start thinking of them as “remotes”? - deploy to eight corners of the cuboid formed by her bedroom. She delves into her VR personal room first, quickly cleaning up the mess, hiding what she hopes is all of her incriminating or embarrassing images, reading material, and so on.

Once done, the secret workshop springs to life. Summer has four basic costumes worked out already. And she’s ready to listen to Alycia’s comments, for better or for worse.

“I mean, I’m more interested in a message than in fashion. Contrary to some of the more uh, mature costumes I’ve seen, my message is not ‘I have boobs’. And I still have time to define myself to the public, by doing some good. Unless we as a team just keep fighting twisted reflections of our own damaged psyches, over and over…” She finishes with a grimace.

“I’m trying to process what to do with the Daph thing. And with you. I want you to be comfortable with me. Need you to be, really, we’re on the same team. We have to work smoothly together.” She shrugs helplessly. “I can just sit quietly, be a friend, nod and listen and try to understand, honor what you both are dealing with, but it feels like here, in this case, there’s something I ought to be doing. I can’t just, y’know, add it to an ever-growing pile of paranoia the way you seem able to do.”

author: Bill G.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6843313

40

Alycia provides feedback on the proposals. She actually focuses primarily on message and publicity. She seems to know something about media principles and branding, probably from study of propaganda.

“Hey, I cycle things off the pile of paranoia,” Alycia protests, as she leans against the wall by the closet. She pauses. “Well, I mean, I reorganize the pile periodically so that the bigger items remain more immediately accessible, and the shrunken ones can be more safely buried, but are fully indexed as to location and can be reached if necessary. I mean, that’s okay, right?” She pauses for a least a beat before cracking a crooked smile. “For what it’s worth, in this life I lead, I’m sure that sooner or later one of them will catch up to me. At least I hope it’s something I’m already worried about that gets me, not something brand new and unexpected. That would be … deeply disappointing.”

“And that said,” she adds, holding up a hand, “don’t be paranoid yourself about my being ‘comfortable’ with you. You’ve already overcome the Killer Robot Conspiracy from Hell category. Stuff like costumes, or my judgment regarding threat profiles – that’s icing on the cake. I guess.” She cocks her head. “I’m very --” Her voice hands up for a moment, though not with any change in facial expression. “I’m new at this ‘friend’ thing. Which I guess is what we are. But to the extent I understand it, it can’t include unanimity on everything. We can be team mates without being friends, if that makes it easier. But I’d --” A nibble at her lower lip. “-- I’d rather not.”

author: *** Dave H.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6843696

41

The idea of a new costume hurts, and thrills. But this admission brings a warm smile to Summer’s face. She acknowledges it with a nod - no more is needed, lest she sound like she’s teasing or patronizing. But there is something safe she can say.

“Friends disagree. Friends argue.” She pauses, remembering what she said that say. “Friends hurt each other. Friends forgive. Friendship isn’t flawless perfection. It’s …” What is the best word? “Equilibrium. A point of stability that two people can find again, no matter how bad things get. An emotional home to come back to. And differences drive discovery. If we don’t agree, we’ll figure out who’s right, and not just assume.”

“I won’t tell you you’re wrong to be paranoid. When one of those things you worry about catches up to you, it won’t find you alone. I promise.” She clenches a fist for a moment, and grins.

“I think that’s the kind of friend Daph could use too. I think it’s the kind of friend you’re already good at being.”

author: Bill G.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6843763

42

Alycia feels a surge of what she interprets as … Anger? Fear? How can I be ‘good’ at being a friend when I’ve never been one. And if I’m ‘good’ at it, that’s just a higher mountaintop from which to fall when I completely blow it, when I fall shot, when they find out – She veers her thoughts away and they land on, And what does Summer even know about being – She stamps down on that thought as just plain unworthy. That just leaves her with just rampant nebulous worry, but that, at least, she knows how to handle.

“If being friends means having each other’s back, that I can commit to, and I’d expect no less from you. If it means judging what sort of feathered extrusions you have on your back --” A tight smile. “Well, I’ll judge, but I’m not a professional by any means, unless you’re going for a paramilitary look.” She snorts. “And I don’t think that would fit any of your desired motifs.”

author: *** Dave H.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6844197

43

“Every friendship I’ve had is different. I do different things with Leo than I’d do with Otto, or Aria, Jason, Nono, Angelica, Ryan, … and you. I’d never, ever show my friends at Blintzkrieg my costumes, but I can trust you with them. I know Otto would love whatever I did, so, y’know, I almost can’t trust him with it.” Summer grins at that.

“So judge away, and keep telling me your honest opinion. I need it. And when you’re at my back, if you occasionally find butterfly wings there, I hope you’ll forgive me.”

She lets ought a sigh, but it’s not frustration or weariness, just … a lot happened. She can even hear the phrase in Leo’s voice.

“I said I was a creature of love. I like being who I am. I choose to be this for the people around me. So when you watch my back, remember that Daph might not want her god’s chosen mission for her life, but I do. My creator had a plan for me, we came to a compromise, and I’m happy with it. He doesn’t send me dreams, but I do still dream of him anyway.” She’s getting a little maudlin, and brightens up with an act of will. “So I guess I’m saying, y’know, worry, but kinda… worry casually, okay?”

author: Bill G.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6844261