I am in no way surprised by those first two numbers. I am, however, surprised Roddy makes more appearances than Kiln.
Kiln: I am told by the others that we do not talk a lot.
Mette: Yeah, chit-chat was discouraged on the ship. Burns oxygen.
Kiln: Warriors do not “chit-chat” either.
Mette: Wait, “warrior”? I thought you were a battle sorcerer. Or a magitechnician. Or a force ninja. Or something.
Kiln: We had different character class rules back in the day.
Mette: So we should talk more. Bump up our appearance stats.
Kiln: Taciturnity becomes a hero. We are defined by purpose, not by witty, incorrect banter.
Mette: You’re likely to be defined by a change in the team line-up.
Kiln: Wait, what?
Mette: I’ve read the illustrated adventure faxes of this era. Quiet characters go nowhere. One day a new writer comes in, and the quiet ones get written out – dead, or retired, or off on a vision quest. Warriors of few words just don’t make it.
Kiln: Wait, I have read of the “Wolverine.” Is he not also a person a few words?
Mette: Are you kidding? He’s a positive chatterbox. “Bub” this and “The best at what I do” that. It’s really repetitive, but continuous.
Kiln: Are you suggesting I need a catch phrase?
Mette: I admit I can see you charging into battle shouting, “I’m a blast from the past, baby!”
Kiln: I’m glad one of us can. Actually, no, I’m not.
Mette: What are these–?
Kiln: Mystic filters for the eyes. When the Skystar blazes its brightest, what it considers your impudent gaze on its mightiness will be protected from the purpureal demons it sends from on high as punishment.
Mette: You mean … these sunglasses will protect my eyes from the Sun and its UV rays.
Kiln: Yes, well, if you want to take all the fun out of it.
Mette: Why are you giving me sunglasses?
Kiln: Thematic costuming. I was thinking about what you said, about needing a catchy phrase to stay popular for our readers.
Mette: Look, I apologized for the “blast from the past” thing. I mean, I’m sure if you just invoke some ancient hero’s name when you charge into battle, that will be fine.
Kiln: I was actually concerned for you. You have even fewer instances of dialog than I do. As a hero, and your teammate and friend, I had to see you were cared for.
Mette: Oh, that’s so sweet.
Kiln: So I have been viewing the entertainments of this era, listening to its chants and folksongs. I believe one is perfect for you.
Mette: Thank you.
Kiln: So don these, and when you charge to battle, invoke this catch phrase: “Future so bright, I gotta wear shades.”
Mette: I – maybe not.
Kiln: I have also hand-sewn this orange padded vest, in case you prefer, “I am going Back to the Future!”
Mette: This might not have been –
Kiln: Too, I have researched a new hairstyle for you, of ringlets held high across your skull, so that you can invoke the war song, “Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I love you, Tomorrow! You’re only a day away!”
Mette: I think I liked it better when I was failing to solve your problem.
((Since Roy/Sequoia appears as a speaker three posts above these stats, is there possibly a problem with the script?))
No, I just ran the script before some of those posts were made
Hellbinder: And we’ll take the first question from … E!
Reporter: Alex, your exposure among your team mates is nearly at the top. How does that make you feel?
Alex: Extremely uncomfortable.
Hellbinder: And from People …
Reporter: Joey, you seem to have twice the dialog instances that Sync does. To what do you credit that?
Joey: Everyone loves to look at the monkey.
Hellbinder: By which he means that the platform Phoenix Academy has provided to the alternately bodied provides him with an excellent position to perform before the global audience.
Joey: (Makes a rude gesture.)
Reporter: Roddy, your thoughts.
Roddy: Positronic rocks. Also, I need to have a long talk with my agent. Check out my Insta!
Hellbinder: And from GQ …
Reporter: Kiln, your appearances in Incorrect Quotes are less than half of the Alex and Joey. How does a real man deal with that?
Kiln: Have you actually read my bio?
Reporter: Um …
Kiln: In my time, jesters could speak truth to a god-emperor. But they were presumed intelligent enough to do so.
Kiln: And suffered torments subtle and profound should they fail in that task.
Hellbinder: By which Kiln means: Phoenix Academy has provided a platform for all gender identities, and our “Lose the ‘Lass’ and ‘Lad’” nomenclature initiative has proven extremely successful in reducing gender-binding hero names. Next up, from the Weekly World News …
Reporter: Mette, is it true that the revelation of Elvis’ hidden identity will be a key part of the coming cataclysm that ensures your personal future timeline occurs.
Mette: (Rocks back, eyes rolling up, pain crossing her face. After a moment …) Now I have to kill you.
Hellbinder: And that concludes this press conference. Official PR kits are in the lobby, or available for download from www.PhoenixAcademyHeroes.edu. Thank you for coming.
Kiln: why are you planning to intervene with Roddy and his attempt at romance?
Alex: because of his attitude toward girls he likes
Kiln: I believe in such matters that Roddy is pure of heart
Alex: unfortunately Roddy is also dumb of ass
Kiln: so you are doing this to assist Roddy, yes?
Kiln: then why are we waiting in a dark alley?
Alex: I told you, so we can find a mugger or something
Kiln: who we then defeat
Kiln: so Roddy can claim to have defeated them
Kiln: and impress Gothwitch
Kiln: despite never having done the deed, nor even having met this mugger
Alex: you got it
Kiln: are you sure you’re not overcomplicating this?
Alex: shut up and finish your chili dog
Alex: I’ve planned every part of this scheme to perfection, every detail has been accounted for
Kiln: will a girl be that impressed by a single mugger being defeated?
Alex: okay, new plan. The essence of comedy is timing. Roddy’s superpower is perfect timing. It follows that he should be an amazing comedian. People love someone who makes 'em laugh.
Kiln: Gothwitch does not seem like the sort of person who laughs. Ever.
Alex: no, I’m not doing it. Wild horses can’t drag me to the stupid homecoming dance.
Alex: (trussed up) Kiln, it’s a metaphor. It means I’m unwilling to go
Kiln: (holding several horse reins in hand) However, you agree that there’s enough horses here to physically drag you to the dance
Alex: (grumpy) you are technically correct
Kiln: the best kind of correct
Kiln: Hey Jillian, you drink coffee a lot. What does it taste like?
Jillian: Not as good as it smells, unfortunately.
Kiln: Bit like shampoo then.
Alex: (from the next room) KILN I TOLD YOU, WHEN IT SAYS “BETTER BODY” IT’S TALKING ABOUT YOUR HAIR
Kiln: I knew that
Kiln: (thinking) I wish I’d listened to Alex that one single time
Mette: I want to get something nice for Joey, to say thank you for finding the ship
Alex: a bundle of pencils should be a nice gift
Mette: oh? Does he do a lot of writing?
Alex: (eyeing wood fragments and carbon chips around the team’s base) no
Nono: I’m writing stories about Mr. Brick, only he’s a detective and solves mysteries at school!
Nono: because I wanted him to use a catch phrase. “Something doesn’t add up!”
Emma: write a story where you remind me why we’re dating
Tahi: the temple has lain undisturbed for millennia
Kiln: so you missed out on Chicago style pizza we are so fixing this problem
Roddy: it’s 3am, the rest of us are trying to sleep
Alex: I’m debunking flat earthers on the Internet
Roddy: why? We all know they’re wrong
Alex: yeah but they’re smug about it
Alex: predictably another person ignored the substance of my arguments to claim I’m being paid by the government to spread disinformation
Roddy: but you’re with AEGIS
Alex: that’s the one thing they’ve gotten right this whole conversation!