Mette: seeing this sunrise is amazing!
Joey: yes, bright and beautiful, like your–
Mette: it means I don’t have to take Vitamin D supplements like on the ship! Artificial lighting just doesn’t convey the same health benefits
(Later)
Joey: Alex, I need poetry help. What rhymes with “vitamin D”?
Alex: why ask me?
Joey: D… Me… perfect, thanks
2 Likes
Roddy: I’ll help you with poetry!
Joey: no! I mean, I’ve got it. But what would make you good with poetry?
Roddy: perfect timing means perfect scansion and meter!
Joey: god DAMMIT
2 Likes
Alex: y’all have fun finding the temple or whatever
Roddy: wait, where will you be?
Alex: the local Comic-Con is happening in Pretoria, S.A. I’ll be exploring dorkiest Africa
2 Likes
Roddy: okay, what did you want me to try?
Kiln: Chicago style dragon pizza, seasoned with safflina
Roddy: uhhh is this … Is this made from real dragon?
Kiln: of course!
Roddy: you hunted an actual dragon to make pizza?
Kiln: no, Chris did. I got the veggies
3 Likes
Sergeant SURGE: (pointing at a smoking wreck) okay, which of you troublemakers was responsible for this? Joey?
Alex: (whispers) play dumb!
Joey: who’s Joey?
Alex: (whispers) not that dumb!
3 Likes
Kiln: I do not understand this “Dee and Dee” you are suggesting for our recreation time.
Alex: It’s a game, where you play an epic warrior, striving for saga-level causes, combating evil monsters, and, if you succeed, achieving everlasting glory.
Kiln: And …?
Alex: It’s an escape from real life.
Kiln: It … kinda sounds like real life.
Alex: But there’s all the Cokes and Nacho Cheese Doritos you can consume.
Kiln: I’m in.
2 Likes
Teacher: please take this seriously. This is a criminal justice proceeding we are evaluating for class, but you might encounter this problem in real life too
Roddy: 2-4-6-8, who do we exonerate
Alex: now is now and then is then, who is doing five to ten
Teacher: the worst part is that you two are still more trustworthy than some prosecutors I’ve worked with
2 Likes
Alex: I want to sleep for like, 100 years.
Mette: You know that’s a coma, right?
Alex:
Alex: That sounds so refreshing, I could totally go for a light coma right now.
2 Likes
Kiln: Let me tell you, it’s overrated.
2 Likes
Alex: You were in a coma. Was it really refreshing?
Kiln: I was wounded beyond saving. For all intents and purposes I was dead. I was forced into a magitech coma that left me waking up thousands of years in the future, all my friends and family gone. My civilization turned to dust and myth.
Kiln: Yes it was absolutely the most refreshing thing I’ve ever experienced.
3 Likes
Alex: say, you know how your foot falls asleep if you sit down too long? Is that … coma-toes?
Kiln: are you still thinking about that?
Villain: can we please get back to my hostage negotiation here?
2 Likes
Mette: the social upheavals of this century are so strange to me. I never learned of “BLM”, and “Antifa” aren’t yet the world dominating terrorist organization they are supposed to be
Alex: say, where did your education come from?
Mette: Holograms of Human History, 14th edition, endorsed by the Texas State Board of Education
Alex: I’ve spotted your problem
2 Likes
Kiln: someday your insouciant tongue will cause this whole team trouble
Alex: I … I don’t know what to say to that
Kiln: so you will reconsider mouthing off at villains with hostages?
Alex: oh no, I’m still doing that. I just had to Google what “insouciant” meant
2 Likes
Aliud: but friend Alex, how can I defeat these robot invaders?
Alex: I’m hacking them to respond to verbal commands, but I had to avoid touching their established command and control nodes. Just repeat what’s on this card to them and they’ll be too busy to attack
Aliud: (uncertain) are we not men?
Robot Attackers: we are DEVO
Aliud: are we not men?
Robot Attackers: D-E-V-O
2 Likes
Teacher: Alex, do you want to share something personal with the class?
Alex: Not unless everyone gets real cool about a bunch of stuff really quickly.
1 Like
Joey upon meeting the super-gorillas in Africa
2 Likes
“PERSONAL SPACE, MAN! PERSONAL SPACE!”
2 Likes
Roddy: being able to get on a spaceship sounds so cool
Mette: after a lifetime of it, being able to get off the spaceship was pretty cool too
2 Likes
Alex: here we are, Gorilla Village. If anyone can get you changed back, they can.
Joey: I will never ever forget this
Super-gorilla Girl: hey hot stuff, let’s go back to my tree and get to know each other
Alex: I also sent them selections of your romantic poetry
Joey: I will never ever forgive this
3 Likes
Alex: So, you’ve looked through the Players Handbook. What kind of character are you thinking of?
Joey: Fighter. Probably specializing in the Champion archetype. Half-Orc.
Alex: Hmmm.
Joey: You sound like my shrink.
Alex: Just seems … kind of on the nose. I mean, someone who does a bunch of damage, of a race that nobody trusts because of their violent nature.
Joey: Huh. Yeah, I can see that.
Alex: So, if you could choose anything you wanted, if you thought nobody would ever know what you wanted to be … what would you choose?
Joey: Um … maybe a jolly, roly-poly Halfling. Y’know?
Alex: Aaaaand?
Joey: (Sigh.) Bard.
2 Likes