Incorrect Quotes - Sessions 14-16

SURGE: I’m still getting the weird energy readings, sir.
Hellbinder: And the mystic winds are … troubled.
Arizella: And you mean to tell me --?
Hellbinder: Definitely from that basement.
Arizella: I tell you, I’ve been down there. There’s nothing strange.
SURGE: Really?
Arizella: Sofas. Desks. Posters. A stuffed three-antlered moose on the wall …

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[After being told about Alex destroying the temple with an orbital cannon.]

Roddy: Damn, I just wanted to snipe at her for being rude, I didn’t want her homeless.

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(back home)
Alex: I’m such a home-wrecker, tee-hee
Alex: it was hunting season, I’ve got a license and everything
Alex: this could be a good move for you, don’t look so stone-faced
Alex: you know technically, Stag-a-saurus destroyed the place before I ever got there
Alex: what do you think?
Roddy: none of these sound like apologies at all, but I’m also sure Tahi’s going to kill you no matter what you say

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Joey: So. Orbital death ray.
Alex: Yup.
Joey: Huh. By the way, we have that mid-term in Mr. Mason’s Chemistry class next Friday, and Stagg Hall is kind of isolated from the rest of the buildings –
Alex: Nope.

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Alex: I might have to disappear soon
Roddy: AEGIS business?
Kiln: going on a sacred hunt?
Alex: I’m on hour 496 of my 500-hour energy drink and the crash is gonna hit hard

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Kiln: I received this note from a girl. She wishes to meet me behind the school. Is this a letter of challenge? Should I arm myself?
Alex: for someone who’s so dated, you’re pretty bad about dating

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Kiln: so anyway, this is “chili dog”. It’s not an actual dog, don’t ask me to explain the name
Tahi: fascinating
Alex: that’s how I explained it to you
Alex: (singing) the ciircle of liiiiiife!

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Roddy: Ever notice how this team seems to accumulate people out of their time and element, brimming with naivete about modern society? Kiln … Mette … now Tahi …
Joey: Yup.
Roddy: At least they’ve got men of the world like us to show 'em around.
Joey: (eyeballing Roddy) Yyyyyeah, sure.

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Alex: you two jokers aren’t sophisticated men of the world at all. The magazine GQ for example, what does it stand for?
Roddy: uhhh…
Joey: I bet you don’t know either!
Alex: I’ll know if I Google Quickly

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Roddy: what magazine do you read to get fashion advice and life tips?
Alex: 2600

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Joey: (reading Cosmo) okay, I’m going to quiz you two experts
Joey: question 1. What’s the best way to arrange a date?
Roddy: invite someone to a party for your hero
Alex: ISO-8601, that goes year-month-day hour-minute-second so that way lexical sorting works
Joey: question 2. How do you check compatibility?
Roddy: um, the Powertronic Personality Puzzle should give you a score you can use
Alex: uh, generally if something is RFC-compliant, like RFC-822 for email, now superceded by 2822
Joey: question 3. What’s the most important thing in a relationship?
Roddy: uhhhh, trust?
Alex: a clearly defined and unique key used as the foreign key, but that’s only for relational databases, I like NoSQL more
Joey: final question. Are both of you assholes still single?
Roddy, Alex: yep
Joey: I think that tells us everything we need to know

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((Best. Personality Quiz. Answer. Ever.))

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Mette: (picking up Joey’s Cosmo) I truly don’t understand this culture. “How to Drive a Man Crazy with Desire” doesn’t even mention wireless stimulation of libido centers via pleasure pads.
Joey: Urk.
Kiln: And they seem to have forgotten so much as well. The famed Priesthood of the Seven Shades of Green knew a dozen subtle ways with just the hair on their heads to “Bring Your Partner to the Peak of Sexual Satisfaction,” none of which are discussed in the article.
Joey: Erm.
Mette: And the people of this time are so uptight about discussing sexuality and physical intimacy.
Kiln: I know. They either cover it over with crude jokes, forbid it in religious dictates, or just physically and mentally shut down when the subject is raised.
Mette: Can you provide any insight into this, Joey?
Joey: Ack.

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Alex: (holding up phone) okay, you brave souls, let’s get in touch with your respective crushes and you can be open and frank with them about your feelings
Mette: …
Kiln: …
Joey: …
Roddy: …
Alex: alternatively, we can call for delivery. Who wants burgers?
Mette: sounds good
Kiln: count me in
Joey: yeah, let’s do that
Roddy: I’m there

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Mr. Baker: Frankly, I’m kind of disappointed, Joey.
Joey: But sir –
Mr. Baker: Tapirs, coati, capuchin monkeys, ocelots, sloths … any number of fascinating creatures of the Costa Rican wilds you could have selected when you drew that topic.
Joey: If you just let me –
Mr. Baker: But making something completely up, and then Photoshopping some sort of improbable horror as an “illustration” – I expected better of you.
Joey: I didn’t –
Mr. Baker: But I’m giving you a second chance. I’m going to let the computer pick some random topics, and you choose one and show me you know how to provide sound, documented, academic research.
Joey: But I –
Mr. Baker: Butterfly Behavioral Traits … Origins of the Ruins of Central America … or Governmental Policy Successes in Space Disarmament.
Joey: Wait a second, random --?
Alex: (stepping in) Hey, Mr Baker, any more programming assignments for me?

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Dr. Fryth: I know what I’m talking about!
Tahi: you’re factually wrong! I was there!
Kiln: (eating popcorn) Costa Rica was such a good trip

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Joey: I learned a terrible truth about who and what I am.
Kiln: I saw an ancient temple, revered by my people, destroyed.
Mette: I learned a dear friend was subjected to a horrifying, evil tech, banned and feared in the future.
Alex: I was forced to worry about whether I’m actually working for the good guys.
Roddy: I found these really cool berries! (crunch) And maybe got a concussion, but, hey, berries! (crunch)

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Joey: just what is being a hacker like anyway?
Alex: what’s it like being a gorilla?
Joey: uh. I look strange and I feel like everyone stares at me when I’m in public, but I have all this power and can smash the bad guys with it
Alex: so being a hacker is like that, but I can type 120 words per minute

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Alex: you should totally get into computers more. First, on the Internet, nobody knows you’re a gorilla
Alex: but like if someone is being a d-bag you can invite them to come say it to your face, and they’ll be like oh yeah? He’s not so tough, and then they’ll come over to challenge you for real, only you are strong enough to rip their arms off and they’ll apologize right then and there
Joey: this sounds oddly specific
Alex: his name is xxMurderch1nxx, and I am tired of his aimbotting in Call of Duty

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Joey: your situation sounds serious. Fortunately we have a friend. They’re a consummate professional with the contacts, tech, and talent to solve your problem
Student: thank God
(Dorm door opens onto Alex wearing a Mondo 2000 t-shirt and a beer hat loaded with twin Red Bulls)
Alex: suuuuup
Student: is this them?
Joey: (closing door) no

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