Tahi: We DID. Your people built cities on top of them. Because they were nicer god damn places.
1 Like
Alex: well I gotta hand it to Fluvis and Powertronic, this is a pretty cool experience
Kiln: the ancient evil…
Roddy: …and the guy I used to admire…
Joey: … both took control of your limbs!
Alex: yeah but game recognize game
2 Likes
(The gang returns to school looking like they were dragged through hell)
Arizella: should I ask what happened?
Joey: well we found the right place
Mette: my predictions were dead center
Roddy: that was… a lot
Kiln: I can understand why the old world fell
Arizella: just what were you all doing?
Alex: (wearily) debugging
2 Likes
Alex: in my defense, I’m a free spirit, a rebel, an iconoclast who goes their own way rather than submit to the strictures of society
Kiln: what are you talking about?
Alex: I was gonna dye my hair blue but I didn’t follow the instructions, and now my dorm room is a mess
3 Likes
Alex: Ubisoft is sponsoring SheHacks, a space for women and non-binary people to get into software
Alex: one of their programs is “Hacker vs. Python”
Roddy: is this really the time to talk about this?
Alex: (being constricted by a snake in the African jungle) it is absolutely the time
2 Likes
Alex: maybe some local herbs would repel the corrupting influence of Fluvis
Kiln: do you have any reason to believe it would?
Alex: no, I just hoped that the key to victory would be a … Flower tonic
1 Like
Alex: Elliot Page announced he’s a transman
Alex: so I’ve decided to hack Beyond: Two Souls to present Jodie as a male character
Kiln: truly this culture and era has its own sorceries
Alex: and monsters leading to our downfall. Someday our “Capitalism” will be your “Fluvis”
2 Likes
Roddy: Wait, we’re being attacked by hordes of bugs?
Alex: Looks like.
Roddy: Aren’t you going to do something about it?
Alex: Wait, are you making some sort of humorous reference to listening devices?
Roddy: Of course not.
Alex: Whew.
Roddy: I figured, with them being bugs and your being law enforcement, you could call in a SWAT team.
1 Like
Selma: (Over comms) I’m checking in for the Headmaster. How are things going?
Mette: We’ve encountered beetles! Joe’s up in front!
Selma: Is he jumping up and down and waving his arms and yelling loudly?
Mette: Well, yes.
Selma: I don’t blame him, scoring tickets like that. Paul has always been so dreamy.
1 Like
Apes: our king has returned!
Roddy: thank you, thank you
Joey: NOT YOU
Apes: our king has returned!
Joey: uh, what should I do first, gang?
Alex: institute a representative democracy
2 Likes
Elder Ape: Our king has returned!
Roddy: We gotta go to the crappy underground ruined temple complex inhabited by smelly hairy guys where I’m the king.
2 Likes
Roddy: Okay, are we at the point in the story where we lead an uprising against you and put your head on a pike?
Joey: What? No!
Roddy: How about the point where you sail off with your troops on a decades-long war against other ape kingdoms?
Joey: No, that would be–
Roddy: Maybe the point where you find a look-alike who’s a pauper ape and swap places so you can walk amongst the common apery?
Joey: No, because I don’t think that’s a word.
Roddy: Then is it time for where you marry a bevy of lovely she-apes so as to prove your alpha apehood and establish your dynasty forever?
Joey: Um–
Mette: No!
2 Likes
Kiln: I have seen the dire summer fleets of the Red Wind set sail, a thousand-strong.
Mette: I have seen the vast depthness of space and the wonders therein.
Alex: I have seen some mind-boggling surveillance video of some top politicians.
Roddy: I have seen my closest friend be crowned king and become lost to us forev–
Joey: I’M STANDING RIGHT HERE, RODDY.
3 Likes
Joey: So, if I’m king, does that mean you have to bow down to me?
Roddy: It would be a pleasure.
Joey: Way to spoil it for me, Roddy.
2 Likes
Joey: I have a million questions, but one of them is most important.
Elder: Yes?
Joey: Is this more a “crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentations of their women” kind of a kingship? Or more “Oh, look, the paparazzi got a picture of the king in a funny-looking hat and it’s all over the cover of the Post” kind of kingship?
Elder: Which would you prefer?
Joey: … to tell the truth, it kinda depends on the type of day it’s been.
2 Likes
Joey: (thinking) don’t say it don’t say it don’t say it
Mette: hello Joey
Joey: h-- hey
(after Mette leaves)
Joey: hail to the king, baby!
2 Likes
Joey: I’m going out exploring.
Alex: The terrain around here’s pretty rough.
Joey: The locals have offered me some transportation, it’ll be fine.
Alex: You going out alone?
Joey: Nah, thought I’d ask Gothwitch and Mette along …
2 Likes
Alex: I am going to introduce these ape folk to the Western values I think everyone needs
Roddy: please don’t get all colonizer here—
Alex: free WiFi for everyone
Roddy: okay you get one free pass on this
3 Likes