Alex: I guess this is where meme culture started
Alex: well you got animated glyphs…
Joey: (still struggling) I WILL END YOU BOTH
Alex: I guess this is where meme culture started
Kiln: I slept through too many lessons in glyphs under Master Rhaom, sorry about that
Alex: hey Joey, I’m surprised you aren’t blushing. I mean, that temple had a big crush on you…
Joey: (starts strangling Alex)
Alex: you know, if this place could fly, and we operated it, we’d be the… Stone Temple Pilots
Kiln: yes, but why are you smirking at that?
Alex: STP was a rock band in the 1990s
Kiln: ah. Before my time
Alex: … God dammit
Alex: Joey, I think Tom Hanks could play you in a biopic of your life
Joey: really? That’s awesome
Alex: it’ll focus on Costa Rica and be called “Forest Grump”
Joey: (breaks every pencil)
Mr. Brick: before math class actually begins, I thought I’d share with you this video of some model trains.
Video: “if a train leaves the station at 9:07, moving at 40 mph…”
Mr. Brick: you got brickrolled
Hellbinder: how long were you a secretary, Selma?
Selma: let’s put it this way. God didn’t hand-write the Ten Commandments on those tablets of stone, he dictated them
Arizella: my peoples’ legends tell of the fall of Atlantis
Selma: that was a hell of an afternoon
Selma: I’m going on vacation to visit the Lascaux caves in France, please approve my expense report
Comptroller: Lascaux caves, huh? Where they found those paintings that were over 17,000 years old?
Selma: I remembered I left my purse in there
Comptroller: when were you there before?
Selma: back when I was a painter
Joey: I think it’s kinda wrong how folk make fun of Ms. Selma. Ageism is no laughing matter.
Roddy: I think she makes the jokes more than other people make them.
Mette: HR would probably still frown on it.
Alex: Assuming they’re jokes.
Roddy: What do you mean?
Alex: All I know is that there’s a security camera feed from her office outside the Headmaster’s.
Alex: Know the only time I’ve ever seen her startled?
Alex: When Kiln first showed up for orientation.
Kiln: (snapping fingers) I knew she looked familiar!
Hellbinder And then Kiln was overheard in the corridor telling their little friends something about “Fluvis is returning, headed this way.”
Fryth: Bah. A silly legend from early Greece, most likely a meaningless confluence between Minoan and earlier Cycladic folk traditions, perhaps referring to the Velufid people who regularly invaded from the Black Sea region. Nothing to worry about.
Selma: (from the next room) Sir, I think it’s finally time for me to start using my three years of accumulated vacation. I’m thinking of visiting my sister in Melbourne, that should be far enough.
Alex: we could have gone with a different team name. BOMB Squad.
Roddy: what do any of us have to do with bombs?
Alex: B-O-M-B. Back On My Bullshit.
Roddy: I think we should call BOMB disposal for that suggestion.
Ms. Crowe: it is important that your use of powers be not only effective, but beautiful
(a slideshow starts playing on the projector)
Ms. Crowe: Here we see Ms. Drake using her sword to trace intricate lines in the air, using the hellfire aura it emits to create an aesthetically pleasing visual spectacle
Kiln: (whispering) is that true?
Chris: (whispering) I was trying to kill a mosquito
Teacher: is there a secret about the school you’re willing to share?
Hellbinder: well, Dr. Fryth actually comes from a parallel reality whose history was very different from ours
Teacher: anyone I should avoid telling?
Hellbinder: don’t tell Dr. Fryth, he hasn’t figured it out yet and I want to see the look on his face when he does
Fryth: Furthermore, while I respect Ms Arizella as a colleague, her conceit that she comes from Atlantis is patently absurd. Atlantis was destroyed, with all its inhabitants, in 847 BCE.
Joey: You can’t possibly know that.
Fryth: You children these days aren’t the only ones with high tech gadgetry. A friend of mine invented a time machine just after we were out of graduate school. I went back, saw the lost continent’s destruction, and then went back ten years earlier to see Atlantis at the peak of its glory. Such a loss.
Mette: Time travel to the past is very tricky. Were all quantum alignment fields fully charged?
Kiln: Did you do star chart confirmation as to time and place?
Roddy: Was Dr. Infinity there, frowning at you?
Alex: Did you step on any butterflies when you were back the extra ten years?
Fryth: Of course, certainly, don’t be ridiculous, and definitely not. I only swatted a mosquito and, well, damnation.
Fryth: Well, that does explain how my friend was sporting such a luxurious moustache after I returned in a few hours.
Roddy: Good first clue.
Fryth: So … none of the history I studied still exists?
Mette: An object lesson, I’m afraid.
Fryth: And … none of the history I taught?
Kiln: It explains a few things.
Fryth: No Napoleon at Knightsbridge? No Treaty of Tanganyika? No destruction of the Washington Monument by the Fiendish Dr. Chin?
Fryth: Then … what should I do with my academic career?
Alex: Have you considered teaching alt-history creative writing?
Alex: the Trump administration has a job for you
Kiln: You’re smiling. Did something good happen?
Joey: Can’t I smile because I feel like it?
Alex: Evan tripped and fell in front of Mette.
Hailey: how does it feel sitting in front of Alex?
Chris: like they’re bored but paying attention anyway, it’s weird
Hailey: how does it feel sitting behind Allan?
Chris: his partial invisibility is weird, but at least he doesn’t block my view of the board
Nono: you look grumpy
Emma: some moron hit on me earlier
Nono: what did you do?
Emma: gave them true lava’s kiss