Incorrect Quotes

Fryth: Well, that does explain how my friend was sporting such a luxurious moustache after I returned in a few hours.
Roddy: Good first clue.
Fryth: So … none of the history I studied still exists?
Mette: An object lesson, I’m afraid.
Fryth: And … none of the history I taught?
Kiln: It explains a few things.
Fryth: No Napoleon at Knightsbridge? No Treaty of Tanganyika? No destruction of the Washington Monument by the Fiendish Dr. Chin?
Joey: Who?
Fryth: Then … what should I do with my academic career?
Alex: Have you considered teaching alt-history creative writing?

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Alex: the Trump administration has a job for you

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Kiln: You’re smiling. Did something good happen?
Joey: Can’t I smile because I feel like it?
Alex: Evan tripped and fell in front of Mette.

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Hailey: how does it feel sitting in front of Alex?
Chris: like they’re bored but paying attention anyway, it’s weird
Hailey: how does it feel sitting behind Allan?
Chris: his partial invisibility is weird, but at least he doesn’t block my view of the board

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Nono: you look grumpy
Emma: some moron hit on me earlier
Nono: what did you do?
Emma: gave them true lava’s kiss

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Alex: why are you still smiling? Evan tripping was yesterday
Joey: because he missed the best cool line of all time! “Looks like I’m falling for you!”

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Evan, overhearing the conversation: Maybe that’s just cause I’ve fallen for someone else :slight_smile:
Joey, breaths sigh of relief for Mette:
Evan: Say Joey, you look quite handsome when you smile. If you aren’t careful you might activate something… primal :wink:
Joey, backs away slowly: :zipper_mouth_face:

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Chris: Listen closely. What I’m about to tell you is the key to cooking. The golden rule.
Chris: Don’t ever let a recipe tell you how many chocolate chips to put in. You measure that with the goodness of your heart.
Aliud and Kiln taking notes:
Aliud, raises hand tentatively: Aren’t we making ramen?

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Hailey: Why are you learning how to cook. Aren’t you an android?
Aliud: It is a way to promote social bonding with classmates.
Aliud: And classmate Jillian suggested that making some sort of “baked good” is a way to increase romantic feelings.
Nono: :eyes:

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Aliud: the idiom I have learned is “the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach”
Emma: actually it’s through the rib cage, but you need good aim–
Nono: Not. Helping.

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Alycia: (popping head in from the side of the frame) Actually, it is through the stomach if you’re trying to go under the ribcage like a professional –
Nono: NOT. HELPING!

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Not an incorrect quote, but when are we going to see more of the Roddy-Gothwitch-Aliud ship?

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Hailey: So, did your baked goods work?
Aliud: Unfortunately no. I’m afraid I need more experience.
Hailey: What went wrong?
Aliud: Apparently Chris is an outlier among human in liking chocolate chips with her ramen.
Hailey: … oh no

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I am now imagining shenanigans of various classmates all offering awful romance advice and hilarity ensuing.

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Aliud: what gesture or action would be construed as romantic?
(individual answers follow)


Roy: just follow them around, they’ll see how dedicated you are!
Aliud: I shall modify my pathfinding algorithm accordingly


Kid Kool: when you’re cool, everyone wants to come to you!
Aliud: I underestimated the importance of refrigeration. Perhaps this ties into Chris’s culinary instruction, and chilled foods are superior


Problem Child: don’t look to me for that kind of advice
Aliud: (turning around, facing away) what gesture or action would be construed as romantic?


Vic: if only I knew, I’d tell you
Aliud: I shall share my eventual findings


Hunter: just act like they’re already interested in you, you don’t have to ask
Aliud: I lack data on my own behavior when someone is interested
Hunter: well you’re outta luck
Aliud: Correlation. Acting is key. Acting is taught in theater. A theater tradition is to say “break a leg” to wish one good luck. I shall find a means by which I can break one leg. Secondary hypothesis. Breaking both legs will double my luck


Nono: um, I think it’s best if you just naturally bump into someone and you feel an attraction, and then you keep finding yourselves running into each other
Aliud: mutual collision is not optimal pathfinding behavior, but I will continue to tune my algorithm


Emma: I dunno, just grab 'em and kiss 'em
Aliud: this is the key to romantic success?
Emma: sure
Aliud: I shall study grappling and wrestling techniques. Once I am sure of the first part, I shall study kissing to ensure success at the second


Gothwitch: (long sigh) romance is dead
Aliud: Resuscitation is indicated then? Broken legs also call for medical attention. I should request training in first aid


Poly-Anna: I’d just turn into whoever they wanted most and seduce them
Aliud: a physical remodel of my exterior is a non-trivial effort but I am prepared for it.


Evan: be me. Everyone wants me.
Aliud: this is factually inaccurate. Of the home room members, there are at least–
Evan: (hand over mouth) shush. Don’t spoil the magic.


Seven-Year: nobody could ever want me, so I can’t help you.
Aliud: why?
Seven-Year: because I’m a visual freak
Aliud: please do not disparage your own appearance. Your LIDAR and sonar silhouettes are not affected by your invisibility


Chris: Cooking, I guess, but I don’t know. I think it really depends on who you want to attract
Aliud: are there individuals who do not consume calories?
Chris: uh, probably just you


Jillian: just be popular
Aliud: how do I become popular?
Jillian: style, panache, uniqueness. Be an individual.
Aliud: how do I be an individual?
Jillian: I’ve written an Instagram Influencer’s guide with step by step instructions


Hailey: don’t ask me about any kind of love, I don’t want any part of it
Aliud: may I ask what you would do if someone expressed romantic interest in you?
Hailey: probably freak out
Aliud: very well. I will endeavor not to collide with you, cook for you, or grapple you
Hailey: uh. Thanks

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Aliud: Apologies for our accidental collision.
Roddy: …
Aliud: Is something the matter?
Roddy: I think I might be wrong with me…
Aliud: Odd. Is it a trembling feeling in your abdominal or chest region? Those may be signs of something other than illness.
Roddy: No, I just haven’t bumped into to someone by accident in years.
Roddy: You should have been six inches to the left based on the last time I looked at you and you don’t change your path for no reason… oh god, is something wrong with my powers?! I need to go see the nurse. Sorry!
Aliud: …
Aliud: …
Aliud: Noticing and recalling unimportant details can be a sign of affection.

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Joey: If you have two bananas, you give her one.
Aliud: Sharing of fruit would seem to be an offer of mutual prosperity and–
Joey: I WAS KIDDING.
Aliud: So you do not share your bananas.
Joey: I’ve actually never liked bananas, so the question hasn’t come up.
Aliud: So in your past romantic experiences, what gestures or actions were effective?
Joey: I – uh – well, back when I was normal, when I had girlfriends, y’know, lots of girlfriends, and, well, you just kinda look at each other, and hold hands, and it’s quiet, and there’s like this flow of … thoughts? And you know each others’ deepest dreams, so you can make them come true, and it’s just like in movies.
Aliud: I see. So by optimizing data transfer rates …
Roddy: (whispering) He’s never actually had a girlfriend, has he?
Alex: (whispering) Probably not for long.

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I did it, I wrote the script. Here’s appearances of named people in incorrect quotes, sorted by appearances.

Joey: 42
Alex: 41
Roddy: 20
Kiln: 16
Mette: 14
Jillian: 4
Chris: 3
Gothwitch: 3
Seven-Year: 3
Poly-anna: 2
Agent Waters: 1
Aliud: 1
Emma: 1
Evan: 1
Nono: 2
Problem Child: 1
Hailey: 1

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