Joey: Evan is terrible for her! You have to help me stop this date
Alex: no I don’t
Joey: what if our situations were reversed? I’d help you!
Alex: wait, what exactly is being reversed? You’d be wanting to date Evan and Mette was getting in your way?
Joey: stop, forget I asked anything
Alex: or are you saying you’d stop me from dating Mette…?
Joey: (starts snapping pencils)
2 Likes
Mette: an AI uprising almost doomed the future
Kiln: Fluvis and elemental beings like him are a danger to living beings
Alex: you guys, I hacked my Roomba! Check this out
1 Like
Mette: Joey, you got a delivery
Joey: huh, it’s… a stress ball? Oversized?
Mette: the note said “on behalf of the American Pencil Manufacturers Association”
2 Likes
Alex: relax, you’re gonna impress Gothwitch just fine
Roddy: are you sure?
Alex: no, I just say that shit to sound convincing
Roddy: I can’t tell whether you’re being brutally honest or encouragingly sarcastic
Alex: good, that’s the point. Go get 'er, tiger
3 Likes
Joey: if Alex is really spying on us, isn’t there a way around it? Like, some kind of… high tech or magic thing?
Mette: you mean like an electrogravitic isolation zone?
Kiln: or an invocation of seven silences?
Roddy: or turning your phone off?
Joey: come on, let’s not get crazy here
3 Likes
(leaving this in Incorrect Quotes so it stays non-canon, “inspired” by James’ comment)
No one:
Literally no one on God’s green Earth:
Nono: I’m just saying, a Mette/Arizella ship has to happen! What else could I do with a ship name like “Time and Tide”?
2 Likes
Alex: there’s a downside to you getting turned back into a human
Joey: what, not having a reason to be at a school with Mette?
Alex: your mom gets to take you clothes shopping for everything
Joey: oh god no
2 Likes
((Joey’s mom is dead, but I appreciate the joke. 
))
1 Like
Alex: I know, right? That’d be awful.
Joey: Actually, my mom is dead. So …
Alex: Wait, what? Oh, jeez, I’m really –
Joey: It’s okay, I just mapped it over to my Aunt who disowned me when I was turned into a gorilla. It sitll works.
2 Likes
Joey: Dr. Quill, can I ask your advice on something?
Quill: Of course, Joey. Just … hold that contact against your skin … there.
Joey: So, there’s this girl I really like –
Quill: I’m not sure I’m qualified to speak to that topic.
Joey: And she haunts my dreams but I’m afraid we’re just from too different a background, our families wouldn’t approve –
Quill: (mutters) Dammit, Jason …
2 Likes
Quill: All right, Joey. You wanted advice, I’ll give it to you.
Joey: Yes, sir.
Quill: Romantic entanglements are risky. Time- and dimension-crossed entanglements are dangerous. Mysteriously seductive love interests are particularly hazardous.
Joey: That’s not encouraging, sir.
Quill: On the other hand, I fell in love with my disturbingly aggressive and lethal bodyguard, so what do I know?
Joey: I’m not sure that’s encouraging, either, sir.
2 Likes
Quill: Don’t believe me about the dangers of romantic entanglements? Jason!
Jason: Yeah? Hey, Joey.
Joey: Whassup?
Quill: Jason, we’re talking about the dangers of getting romantically entangled with a dangerous, mysterious girlfriend –
Jason: (mutters) Dammit, Dad …
2 Likes
Alex: Roddy, I’m sending Joey along with you to help you make an impression on Gothwitch. Compared to him, you’ll look like solid boyfriend material
Joey: is this because I’m a subhuman life form?
Alex: yes! who dips french fries in mayo, for Christ’s sake?
2 Likes
Jason: Okay, Dad’s busy studying the latest scan of you. What’s the SitRep?
Joey: What?
Jason: What was Dad doing his crazy-making talk about?
Joey: I got girl troubles.
Jason: I am probably not the most reliable narrator on that subject.
2 Likes
Jason: What are you truly worried about?
Joey: I’m afraid to talk with her. I mean, if she thinks of me as … not worthy … I dunno what I’d do.
Jason: Dude, worrying about being not worthy of a girl kind of goes with the territory. Believe m–
Joey: But, most of all … I’m really scared she’ll somehow … I dunno, just disappear into the future, across a dimensional barrier, never to be seen again.
Jason: (mutters) Dammit, Joey.
2 Likes
Kiln: Wait. Roddy. I can help.
Alex: Huh?
Joey: Wuh?
Kiln: You need not rely upon someone who dips fries into mayonnaise to impress your object of romance.
Roddy: Okaaaay …
Kiln: In my era, we knew the frying of food, of various sorts. Such was a holy sacrament, a truly religious consumption of that which was favored by the gods. We would scourge the eating area to purify it, flog it with blessed leather thongs to drive off demons that would otherwise desecrate the sacred feast, from which the gods would work to grant the prayers of those who made such an offering.
Alex: No. No …
Joey: Say it ain’t so …
Roddy: Aieee!
Kiln: Yes. No mayo is needed, when one uses the Miracle Whip.
2 Likes
Alex: you all make me want to move to the top floor of the dorms…
Kiln: what did I say?
Alex: …make sure I empty all the rooms below me…
Roddy: listen, I can handle this myself–
Alex: …then get some power tools and build a chute leading down…
Roddy: I think I can handle Gothwitch just fine–
Alex: …JUST so I can DROP YOU ALL THROUGH A TRAP DOOR!
2 Likes
Jillian: sorry boys, but I already got my eye on a guy who’s not interested
1 Like
Roddy: why do you always say “chicken tenders” and not just “tendies”?
Alex: once, someone who shall remain nameless made the mistake of assuming soy was an acceptable substitute
Roddy: come on, you can tell me who it was
Alex: they shall remain nameless because I destroyed their online identity
3 Likes