This whole “villain undercover” schtick is cute and all but it’s so first season.
Where are the dashing heroes just begging to be taken down by the cunning and charming pyrokinetic? Where are the shocking swerves that upset all that has come before, and establish a new order? Where’s the moment when the villain has to make a hard choice and pay a price?
Where’s the fun, god dammit?
Well, here’s the museum anyway. And hey, it’s the supers wing. And hey, of course, the heroes. We never acknowledge the villains who gave them the opportunity to shine. Just the heroes. Look at them. Look at them. Oh, Nono is looking at them.
Alright. Time to say something so fantastic that she–
“I love coming here,” she gushes. “It’s so… so…!”
“So amazing!” She twirls, and it’s adorable, god dammit. Oh. Wait, oh god no, she’s got her notebook with her, and she’s writing. That means fanfiction.
“Who is it this time?” I ask. It’s not like I’m absolutely disinterested, but Nono is like a raging river that goes through a series of sluice gates all marked “tell me more about your hobby”. It’s obligatory.
“Oh! Oh! Welll…” She slides up to me conspiratorially, and shows me the notebook.
A Sergeant SURGE and Mighty Joe Young ship. I read off the names. “Gorilla My Dreams”. “Monkey Business”.
“Why?” This time, I can’t keep the flat disdain out of my voice. I’m going to need to bleach my face later to deal with this.
“Wellllllll, the Sergeant used to be a villain, and I know how you feel about that…” She winks at me, apparently loving that she’s got some kind of awesome secret. “But Joe, you know, he’s so wistful and emo and brooding, but he’s got that primal passion too, and it’s just so, ooh!” There’s a wholly unnecessary girlish shiver there. Maybe if I stick a screwdriver through my ear…
I need to get out of this conversation as quickly as possible.
The fire alarm goes off. Yes, good start, but I haven’t done anything, don’t jump the gun.
The ceiling bursts. There’s voices. Oh, hey, the Architects of Evil are here. I won’t say they’re the most useless supervillain group of all time.
I haven’t met every supervillain group yet, after all.
Alright, finally some action!