I know what he’s doing.
I saw his face, when the Bot revealed himself. He was certain it was the truth. The history and horror of it struck him like a hammer.
He went down there alone, to visit the Bot’s Pneuma. God, Summer and Leo and I tried so hard to avoid labels and categories for ourselves, to never be the “original” Pneuma, to never think of one as less than the other. It was hard enough adjusting to Summer, and she was well-adjusted.
Leo went alone out of mercy. I don’t know how I feel about that.
He wants to spare me that hammer blow. He wants to save me from seeing myself, the self I could have been if they hadn’t come rescued me. A self that apparently can’t even talk any more.
He doesn’t want me waking up from nightmares about that. There were nights when I woke up in terror, and he was there, pulling me into a hug, helping me breathe. How much worse would it get, if I were to see – her?
How bad will it be for him?
God dammit, Leo. I know you want to protect us all. I also know that I’ll want to meet her, sooner or later. I need to confront that truth. If I can help her, as a person, I want to. I need to. I just don’t know if I’m ready yet.
He doesn’t either. He went to find out.
Am I selfish for holding back? I could have just followed him down. They couldn’t have stopped me.
Seeing an older Leo is almost easier. It’s not easy, but it’s manageable. He’s a wreck, but of course he would be. He always is. He needs sympathy and assurance. I know what Leo meant about giving up. His fire has gone out. Maybe only his Pneuma can rekindle it. I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if I should even try. So it’s… easy for me to stay away, keep some distance. But still, just be here, reminding him of happier times.
Is that what I’m doing? Does it help him to see me, and remember?
I know I just want to run away.
I know running away is how the Bot got himself into this situation.
Please, Leo. Do what you you do best. Rescue a Pneuma from fear, and make her feel warm and alive again.
author: Bill G.