Listen, newbie. I don’t care what she told you. When she’s not giving orders, you listen to me. And right now, I’m going to give you some free advice. So listen up.
I don’t care if you’re ex-cop, ex-military, ex-whatever. I don’t care how fancy your gat is. Around here, you wear the matching uniforms, you get the girl some ice cream when she wants it, and you shut the fuck up when she starts screaming. Why? Because that is how you stay alive.
One guy decided he’d had enough, waved a gun in her face. The whole piece got red-hot. Guy burned his hand, dropped the gun, the magazine ignited. Lesson learned, the only hot-heads allowed around here are the pyrokinetics. She’ll have no patience for your antics, and she’s harder than her age suggests. She’s got some kind of training, some senior supervillain. Your goal here is to last long enough to meet that guy, maybe impress him. Networking. Look it up.
Don’t look so worried. Just take orders, you’ll do fine. The boss, she takes good care of us. If we ask for something, and haven’t been a pain, she’ll just toss money our way. Just be discreet when you go buy it, okay?
Also, don’t worry about getting arrested. If you go to jail, just tell people inside that you’re a successful henchman. Don’t drop names at first. Let them figure it out. Hench experience is amazing.
Okay, finally. Listen. This is really important. Ben & Jerry’s for Rocky Road. Haagen-Dazs for salted caramel. Breyer’s for anything else. Write this down. Get a notepad and write this down, asshole. Okay, say it back to me.
Good. You’ll go far.
author: Bill G.