A Very Jalycia Christmas

“Should I mention again they source symbolism of the Yule tree and its history in American immigration patterns from Northern Europe?”

“Probably not necessary.”

“Do I need to remind you of Western Christian syncretic traditions in appropriating existing pagan traditions for the Church-State’s own assimilationist needs?”

“I wish you wouldn’t.”

“Would it be helpful if I ran through the talking points re the madness of live-cutting carbon fixing vegetation for decorative purposes, vs. the environmental impacts of mining and petroleum-based plastics in the manufacture of artificial trees?”

“I don’t think so.”

“So what should I be doing?”

“Just … find a spot … on the tree … for that ornament. Okay?”

“You draped that garland asymmetrically.”


“Just saying.”

I like to think the team will always put up with Alycia’s ultra-woke lecturing because (a) to some degree she’s not actually wrong but (b) she comes through when they need her, and know that she needs to put up some opposition to imperialist culture from time to time in order to blow off steam. Some friends would just roll with the holidays without a single complaint, but they also wouldn’t take a bullet for you.

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That’s precisely the note I’ve always wanted to strike with Alycia. Unlike her father, she never ends those diatribes with “… so let’s burn the whole thing down in blood and petrol bombs and dead babies so that I can lead you to True Enlightenment,” and she never says, “Well, you didn’t agree with me on the unsustainability of cattle farming in the US, so you can go handle the Dread Queen on your own.”

Sure. Go right ahead.