This is the scene I got scolded, last night, for not running. Again, I guess.
Here’s the thing.
I’ve been ignoring one of the players at the table for a really long time. I shouldn’t have been.
They’ve been having a frustrating, bad time since halfway through the Menagerie, and honestly questioning if they should be playing games at all, because their experience has been poor so often, and usually laid at their feet.
If it weren’t for the other games they were playing that buoyed their sense of self worth back up, I’m pretty sure they would have given the whole thing up, to be honest - not this group, but gaming in general. As it is, I have to talk them into logging in, every week, because it feels to them like stepping into a firing range on the wrong end. The only question is who’s going to be firing.
And in hindsight, I’m not sure I was doing the right thing by convincing them.
So they’re going to take a break. I can’t talk them into this anymore.
In case this unclear, I’m the player in question. My wife helped me acknowledge a pattern she’s been seeing and I’ve been ignoring a long time. I’m not in a good place to talk about it any further, but I wanted to make that point clear, since apparently it wasn’t.
I was the dense idiot who couldn’t figure that out.
While I’m sorry to hear all this, I do think it is far more important to do what’s best for your own mental well being and not stress yourself out each week than it is to play games with us. Just don’t be a stranger. I know pandemic stuff has thrown people into dark places, so take as much time as you need (hell, never play another tabletop game again if they don’t bring you happiness) just don’t withdraw from people you enjoy spending time with because you feel you no longer have the excuse of spending time with them each week which was tabletop gaming.
Gaming – whether GMing or playing (or, as you cleverly identify, the two being really the same) – can be exhausting, and if it’s not bringing you joy, it’s a miserable way to scratch either social or creative itches.
So take what time you need to figure out what makes sense for you, adjust, tack, whatever. I’ll be around.
Your self-care and family always come before gaming, so I’m glad if you are doing what you need to look after yourself. And I apologize for anything I’ve done to make your experience worse.
