Jillian: sorry boys, but I already got my eye on a guy who’s not interested
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Roddy: why do you always say “chicken tenders” and not just “tendies”?
Alex: once, someone who shall remain nameless made the mistake of assuming soy was an acceptable substitute
Roddy: come on, you can tell me who it was
Alex: they shall remain nameless because I destroyed their online identity
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Roddy: “Game of Thrones,” definitely. I mean, High Drama! Incredible FX! Lopped Heads and Bad Behavior and Deep Plots! Intense Fandom!
Alex: You realize that 37% of fandom posts are posted by bots trying to provoke a deep loyalty.
Roddy: Yes! Deep, Intense Fandom! It’s epic! And you?
Alex: “The Americans.” Fluid identities, intensely covert espionage, moral conundra against a backdrop of popular culture. It’s memes vs. memes, plus ancient history! So beautiful …
Joey: “Leverage” – fighting against The Man on behalf of the innocent! And, dude, Hardissan is so smart! And Elliot is so tough. And Parker looks just like –
Mette: The Headmaster suggested a time-limited saga titled “The Starlost,” which was quaintly speculative, but distinctly … odd, and somewhat off-putting, but it drove me to look into the televideo canon of the Great Authority improbably named “Harlan Ellison,” and much of it is intriguing, but much of it he has also mysteriously logged his writing under a false ident, which is a dark sin aboard the Ship.
Kiln: I have been watching many chapters of “Days of Our Lives.” I was pointed to the initial episode of the saga, modern date-graven 1965, and have intensely viewed it past that index origin.
Roddy: Dude.
Kiln: I have reached 1983, according to present chronologies.
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Joey: So. Chicken tendy-tenders.
Alex: Yes.
Joey: Rather something with the bone. Popeyes by pref, but even KFC. Normal skin.
Mette: The oil is … very unfortunate. While many of the synth meals of this era are … crude. Still, after some hours of research, I can provide recommendations for –
Roddy: Hardees. I mean, special order Triple Spicy Chicken Bacon Cheeseburger, no lettuce, extra pickle, extra Jalapeño coins on the side.
Mette: That seems … aggressive.
Roddy: Yes!
Kiln: Wheat buns, ground beef-flesh. Lettuce. Tomato compote. Pickled cucumbers. No coagulated cow dairy products. Crispy gluten-battered onions. This epoch is amazing.
Roddy: Okay. What about sides?
Alex: MADNESS! Have you considered the ecological –
Joey: Dibs on the Extra-Big Loaded Fries, sour cream and guac on the side.
Mette: Guac-powder is tasty –
Kiln: True-cream is –
Joey: Big basket of –
Roddy: Extra sides on all of it. Plus salsa.
Alex: What the hell – the Ecopaclypse won’t happen until 2075±3, and my likely lifespan is only 2060±7. Gimme the onion rings.
Mette: 2032.
Alex: What –
Mette: For certain definitions of the Eco–
Alex: CHECK!
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Alex: you know that feeling you get, in the pit of your stomach, when a certain someone walks past?
Joey: aww. What feeling?
(Evan walks past)
Alex: disgust
Joey: I know it all too well
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Alex: if any of you invade my dorm room, you’re gonna get gassed, so don’t even think about it
Roddy: oh, a gas grenade trap? Mustard gas? Tear gas?
Alex: a lifetime of eating greasy chicken tenders
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Kiln: Chris, you have to help me cook up some healthier recipes for my teammates
Chris: I’m happy to help, sure, but you look worried
Kiln: you’ll be saving a life
Chris: oh, does one of them have a food allergy or dietary problem or–
Kiln: you’ll be saving my life. Joey had Taco Bell again
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Jillian: ugh. What is that?
Alex: Dark Souls. You travel around this huge gorgeous world, trying to figure out the rules, and when you get good it feels amazing, but make one mistake and you lose everything you worked so hard to acquire
Jillian: that’s Instagram, you nerd
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Alex: lots of people seem cool but struggle with feelings of inadequacy
Alex: but not me!
Alex: I have those feelings without seeming cool at all
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Jillian: ugh. It’s the walking carpet
Joey: don’t be jealous. Your facial hair is starting to develop, it just takes time.
Jillian: 
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Teacher: ungrateful kids
Teacher: in my day, we had to walk to school, uphill, in the snow!
Kiln: oh yeah? Well we had to tame our own pterodactyls and navigate them through the Screaming Skull Canyons!
Teacher: jesus, you win
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Kiln’s Eating Habits
Expectation:
Reality:
Paul: You know, I would’ve figured you’d be into all those ancient grains and paleo stuff.
Kiln: Are you kidding? I would’ve killed someone to have access to all this sugar and fat in my time.
Kiln, eyeing Alex’s chicken tenders: And I still just might.
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Teacher: Kids these days are so annoying. In my day, schools didn’t have all this namby-pamby air conditioning. We endured September in North Carolina the old fashioned way – with sweaty skin! You have no idea!
Joey: Ma’am. I am covered in fur. Even when the a/c is on, it’s kinda warm for me.
Teacher: Gorillas are found in equatorial Africa!
Joey: Mountain gorillas are higher elevation dwellers, used to cooler temperatures. I mean, that whole “Gorillas in the Mist” thing you might have heard of?
Teacher: (Mutter, mutter) Kids these days are so annoying …
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Teacher: signs of puberty include unexpected hair development…
Joey: 
Teacher: …voice changes…
Joey: 
Teacher: …mood swings…
Joey: 
Teacher: …and changes to your body shape
Joey: 
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Mette: I’m doing my best to remember what the future holds, for everything I encounter
Alex: how’s that going?
Mette: I realized I know nothing about this “planking” activity
Alex: that’s because we’re all deliberately trying to forget about it
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Sergeant SURGE: time to survey the team on how you’ve been doing. What’s the most important thing to your team as a whole right now?
(everyone talking at once)
Mette: remembering–
Joey: I want to date–
Roddy: Powertronic!
Alex: locating ancient–
Kiln: chicken tenders!
Sergeant SURGE: You remembered you want to go on a date with Powertronic, locating ancient chicken tenders. I will submit my report to the headmaster. Thank you for your cooperation.
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Joey: I don’t understand all this temple archaeology stuff, so can you help me?
Alex: sure, if I can
Joey: how do I ask Mette out on one of these “radiocarbon dates”?
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