It’s everyone’s favorite adorable murder machine!
Wait, this kid was a supervillain?
“Yep! Technically I still am according to several law enforcement organizations!”
Did you learn it yourself or did someone train you?
“Oh! Well that would be Lifehack! She is a pretty bad person all around, I think, but she was pretty good at being a villain. Her power is body manipulation. She can heal, hurt, reshape, do all kinds of fancy things! Like how I can twist iron, she can twist flesh.”
“For example, she peeled me open and stuck metal implants in several of my joints, so I could use my powers to move my own body. That was pretty painful. Like, really painful. But hey! She could do it!”
What did you do as a villain?
“I didn’t really have a goal. You see, Lifehack was kind of like a Fagin for kids with powers. If you don’t know Fagin, think of him like a pimp, but for thieves. If you don’t know what a pimp is, well, I’m fifteen and not supposed to know that yet! So you could say that my goal was to avoid being punished for not performing. And that meant doing whatever crimes I could think of.”
“She didn’t tell us what to do. She just told us where the money was, or might be. She made us study. And then we’d come up with a plan, and go out and do it!”
And you are a hero now?
“I don’t know. Well that’s not true, but I lie all the time, so that’s okay. If I had to tell the truth, I would say that it was just thinking about how the heroes actually worked. Who was bossing them? Nobody. Who would punish them if they failed to perform? Nobody. Well… that sounded like… it was kind of fun. I mean, when I’m doing things I like, it’s because it’s fun, not because I’m told to. So… I thought maybe, being a hero would feel good.”
“I don’t know what it means to feel good. So I’m not sure I’m there yet? But all I can do is keep on truckin’!"
