Continued from here: Skits and Comedy - Emissary Arc
Poley: (on voice call) listen, boys, you gotta get us out of here. Things just got way more urgent
Shiny: we’re on our way, but what happened?
Poley: we found out who is supplying us with food
Tiny: who? Who?
Poley: One-Whiskered Jenkins, proprietor of the Rat’s Tale Restaurant. Remember him? Old bastard never gives out free food. He’s gonna charge us for everything we even look at here
Saraid: as a demon, Zenit Eyes consumes emotion and passion
Saraid: dealing with Ambra has given me a ton of anger to deal with, so he’s eating well
(Zenit Eyes, now nearly spherical, rolls around helplessly)
Saraid: too well. The vet recommended he go on a diet
Acorn Pixie: our regular meeting of the Mizilitary will come to order! Welcome to all companions and summons of Mizzle as we discuss the pressing issues at hand
Acorn Pixie: any new business?
Prisma: I had fun flying around with the kids!
Acorn Pixie: heartwarming but not really business. Anyone else?
Neko Monarch: I’m starting a dog-and-pony show!
Acorn Pixie: do you mean taking bets on greyhound and horse racing?
Neko Monarch: yes
Acorn Pixie: (facepalming) okay, well, good for you but still not Mizilitary business. Anyone else?
Zirnitra: I’m not formally a member yet, just checking in
Acorn Pixie: finally a serious voice in this discussion. What new business do you have?
Zirnitra: I’d like to fly around with the kids too
Acorn Pixie: …I’ll be sure to schedule something after the impending supervillain attack
The Bugaboo: I want to buy stuff
Dwyer: certainly! What’ll you have?
The Bugaboo: I need to strike fear into the hearts of mortals, and carve their flesh with the smiles of the damned
Dwyer: best I’ve got is a set of Miyabi brand chef’s knives, and a sharpening kit
The Bugaboo: I’ll take it
Rin: any animalkin you don’t get along with?
Shiny: moles
Tiny: absolutely, the moles are bad
Rin: why?
Whiny: well, in Trishenko, they ran the underground fighting circuit
RIN: What about the honey badgers?
SHINY: They don’t care.
TINY: Totally.
WHINY: It’s actually really annoying.
RIN: Skunks?
SHINY: Less of a problem than you might think.
TINY: I mean, after everyone’s been packed inside their houses for months of winter, with no laundry, no bathing, poor ventilation … well, the skunks don’t really stand out.
WHINY: Which reminds me, guys, we really need to change the air filters in the clank.
Mizzle: according to these books, culinary arcana began with a mysterious figure called “Cooking Claus”. They’d visit children every year and give gifts, but expected to be fed cookies and milk in return.
Saraid: any other parts of the legend?
Mizzle: supposedly Cooking Claus would divide ingredients onto two lists: “sauté” and “slice”
Mizzle: Ambra can shapechange and you have your mutant stuff. So is it possible your people weren’t originally squirrel-based, but maybe something more protean, and you adopted this particular form?
Saraid: sure, I suppose
Mizzle: but why squirrels, I wonder?
Saraid: squirrels are cuter
Lady Lampara: what is this?
Mizzle: it’s a gift. Of arcane cookery.
Lady Lampara: to honor even your enemies is… touching. And what did you make for me?
Mizzle: um, it’s coffee. Black. Like your soul?
Lady Lampara: I actually prefer chamomile tea, but thanks.
Stone Guardian: (grunts)
Mizzle: uh, hi. I got you this gift
Stone Guardian: hrrrrrrr
Mizzle: it’s uh, Rocky Road ice cream. Because you’re.. rock…
Stone Guardian: mmmmmmmm
Halti: never thought I’d see you again
Mizzle: I brought you a gift!
Halti: (reading) “For… Halti… Cakesbane”. Cupcakes. Really?
Mizzle: sorry, was it inappropriate? I just.. I dunno, I thought… um…
Halti: (wiping away a tear) I haven’t had cupcakes since I was a kid
Shiny: we’ve mastered applying spells to our bullets
Tiny: unfortunately the spells must be placed individually, and expire once the bullet reaches its target
Whiny: “Duration: 1 round”
Saraid: I’m combining shapeshifting with a new martial art
Saraid: the style is built around using limbs other than the usual two arms and legs
Saraid: I call it Tail Kwon Do
Dr. Armin: wings? Transformation? I can see why you so desperately wanted my help, to stabilize your physical form—
Lady Ambra: actually it’s these misaligned teeth, people keep laughing at them in the cafeteria. I had to eviscerate three centaur-mecha pilots last week
Dr. Armin: but surely this volatile chimeric shapechanging—
Lady Ambra: that’s who I am, Dad, okay?! It’s not a phase!
Mizzle: this is indeed a serious problem. How do we solve this?
Owyn: it needs to be dealt with, by force if necessary. Seize what power you need and make a decisive move.
Surdak: in such circumstances, it’s acceptable to strike first, even betray your allies if necessary
Saraid: listen, it’s just the last cookie in the batch, we can just let you have it
Trimaldis: speak for yourself
Dwyer: Delia–
Delia: it is LADY LAMPARA. I insist on being addressed by the title bestowed upon me by legitimate authority
Dwyer: okay, Harmony Prisoner 24601
Delia: Delia is fine
Surdak: I am not accustomed to this power relationship
Surdak: I once dominated all those around me, and now you are ordering me around
Surdak: you realize I’ll work to regain my former power - and then we’ll see who controls who
Acorn Pixie: I lead the Mizilitary. No exceptions