Links go to relevant memes or scenes.
BIOS Date 09/29/19 15:43:29 Ver: 08.00.15
Memory Test: 128420K OK
PMU ROM Version: 9303
NVMM ROM Version: 4.092.88
01 USB bus init 7f46326f-78a2-4d24-a818-7f45d57ceb1c
Welp, this is it. I’m flat on my back, helpless and alone.
I can’t even light myself a cigarette.
I don’t smoke, so I guess it’s okay. Maybe if I had some Red Vines. Plus Mr. Pibb equals crazy delicious.
Could be a lollypop.
Miracle Max will find my dumb ass and pronounce me only mostly dead. What’s keeping me alive? It’s not true love. Fuck, nobody even knows I’m up here. Story of my life. Save the day, swoop in, like Napoleon Solo and Kuryakin. THRUSH was serious business, but they would always just burst in on some random citizen who had no context for what was going on.
Who’s gonna find me? What the hell should I say?
Student: who are you?
Me: no one of consequence.
Mawage. Mawage is wot bwings us togeder today. Mawage, that bwessed awangment, that dweam wifin a dweam…
Who are you? Are we enemies? Why am I on this wall? Where is Buttercup?
Who else can’t move? Huh.
Do you expect me to talk? No, Mr. Bond, I expect you to die!
Hey thanks for saving the school Alex. Good job, Alex.
If I die here, that will be the last human being on Earth who saw “Police Academy: the Animated Series”.
Who’s the worst person that could find me here? Let’s review.
Worst to best. Hunter. Anna. Roy. Jillian. Derek. Emma. Vic. Tiffani. Evan. Nono. Hailey. Aliud. Paul. Allan. Chris. Kiln. Mette. Joe. Roddy.
Any actual danger from anyone here? Probably not. But this would be really embarrassing. I need some kind of cool bullshit response if someone I know finds me.
They’re probably downstairs hanging out with Power Stone. Technotronic? Prowler Tonic? Bah.
This ceiling tiling is stupid. The particle board is real authentic shit, this isn’t even the half-assed attempt to paper over metal sheets. If there’s an earthquake, there’s gonna be kibble that breaks off from that and falls on my face. That’s nasty.
Someone better find me. I’m gonna have to pee sooner or later.
John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt. His name is my name too. Whenever we go out, the people always shout, John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt, tralalalala.
It was midnight on the ocean, not a streetcar was in sight, the sun was shining brightly 'cause it rained all day that night. 'Twas a summer’s day in winter and the snowflakes fell like glass, a barefoot boy with shoes on stood sitting on the grass.
Ain’t we crazy, ain’t we crazy? We’re singing just to pass the time away.
Ain’t we crazy, ain’t we crazy? We’ll sing this little song all night today.
Well the man behind the counter was a woman old and gray, who used to peddle donuts on the road to Mandalay. Her children six were orphans, except one tiny tot, who lives upstairs, across the street, above the vacant lot.
Hmm.
99 bottles of beer on the wall, 99 bottles of beer…
