Several episodes (cough16cough) later …
FILE 137X99N.08.F
SMS EXCHANGE CLASSIFICATION 4
CASE MrMrsSmith
XREF CASE Azula [001]
XREF CASE Turtleneck [002]
SOURCEUNIT 252-214-XXXX
SOURCEUNIT 252-963-XXXX
PROTOCOL STREAM 3;12;19;00
AGENT CC Waters+; Parker+; Conway
TEXT ORIGIN 001
TEXT ORIGIN 002
BEGIN SMS STREAM
Hello, hero.
HEY! You’re back! Hey! Are you ok?
Um, yeah, for certain values of okay.
So, sorry about the date thing. I seem to have missed it.
No prob, I talked with Summer about it and she explained you guys were off on a mission. She was really worried and that made me worried so I’m glad you’re back
PAUSE 0:18
We just talked we didn’t go out on a date together or anything!
No, that’s fine. I mean, of course you and Summer talked about it. It’s just complicated.
The mission?
Summer.
Not about you. Or you and her. Just, complicated. We can discuss it later. You around?
Um actually in LA. There’s a thing were doing with donating cartoon residuals to this charity out here that supports youth metas who are homeless because they have dicks for parents
Okay, that sounds worthy.
It is. Neat people. You in HC?
Yes.
Damn. I won’t be back until Friday.
That ties in to what I wanted to talk about. The dance is this weekend.
Oh listen I know its all hegemonic and patristic and defenestrationable and all that so you don’t have to go
I’d like to go.
Its just I thought it would be nice if we wait what?
I’d like to go.
That’s great!
But I don’t think I can make it work.
Oh. I get it. I know this relationship has been really crazy. I mean there’s so much tearing us apart and there are conflicts in values and in backgrounds and even with the memory and emotion thing fixed there are gaps and problems with our history that sometimes seem insurmountable, so I know what you are saying
No, not that. I can’t get a dress.
Oh. Or maybe that.
Why cant you get a dress? Is this one of those mysterious girl things about dance dresses and all that?
No.
You do know what dance dresses look like right?
Jason, I once infiltrated a ball at the Russian embassy in Beijing. I danced a tango with the Italian ambassador. I obtained several NATO launch code sequences while I did. I do know what sort of dress I need.
One you can seduce an Italian diplomat in? Because that sounds
um very…Cosmopolitan and I would like to see it
I don’t think the GA dance chaperones would approve of *that* particular outfit. Regardless, I can scale matters appropriately. I understand women’s formalwear is what I’m trying to say.
So…?
I don’t have a dress.
I’m sure someone at GA could tell you a good store. Maybe one of those girl dance dress buying missions to the mall or something.
PAUSE 0:34
Alycia?
I don’t have any money for a dress, ALL RIGHT?
I don’t get my first paycheck until a week from Friday.
Paycheck? Where are you working?
Don’t ask.
If you got a job at the mall you might et a discount on a dress. Did you get a job at the mall?
And there you are, asking.
Oh sorry
I didn’t know you were broke. Don’t you have like I don’t know secret Cayman Island accounts?
I am without access to any such resources, even the ones that are left after my fall from grace. They were taken by various parties.
Like Aegis?
Like other elements of the Chin enterprise which emptied out a number of accounts in breaking away. Like my own R&D efforts this last year which were quite costly. And, of course, I had to turn over to AEGIS all my remaining assets.
You didn’t keep anything?
Of course not. That was part of my parole.
Ow that sucks
And, of course, if I had kept anything, and mentioned it in a chat session that is almost certainly being monitored by AEGIS (not to mention several other government and non-government agencies and organizations), that would constitute a violation of parole and I most definitely would not make the dance.
Oh yeah that makes sense
And anything you kept probably isn’t easily accessible or cant be easily turned to cash
Hypothetically speaking.
Right. Hypothetically speaking 
So, unless you want to attend a formal dance with someone in blue jeans and year-old Quill charity event t-shirts, I will have to decline your previous offer. Assuming it was still standing.
I’ve lost track if you turned it down or accepted it or I took it back or it was still good
PAUSE 0:13
But I want it to be still good. I mean we don’t have to go to the dance
Everyone will talk if you are in town and don’t go to the dance, Jason. You’re a celebrity in the school.
I hate that stuff.
I can imagine, but it’s still true. Regardless, I’m not going to make you miss the dance because of that. You can find someone else to go with.
PAUSE 0:15
I don’t think Summer has a date yet.
PAUSE 1:08
Did you just throw me at Summer?
No. I was simply evaluating viable tactical options for you.
Because that’s weird
It’s complicated.
You keep saying that
It keeps being true.
Like last time we talked when Summer came up you were about ready to reach through the Internet and punch me in the neck and now you are I think suggesting I ask her to the dance?
Do I contradict myself. Then I contradict myself. I contain multitudes.
Frost!
Yes, you get an A on the exam, Jason. I trust you also get the message.
Well maybe I don’t want to go with Summer
I don’t know what the emoji is for a skeptical eyebrow raise, so imagine one here.
Maybe I actually want to go with you which is why I invited you Alycia
Yes, well, that’s not an option.
PAUSE 1:39
Can I make a tactical suggestion?
Can I stop you?
I can just buy you a dress
PAUSE 0:53
I am pretty sure that’s not in keeping with tradition, even for so paternalistic, gender-role-conservative an event as this.
Why not? If I buy you flowers nobody will care. If I buy you a ride nobody will comment. If I buy you dinner that’s expected too. Why not a dress?
PAUSE 0:25
I think its an excellent workaround
I do not want charity.
Its not charity, its something I want to do
I don’t want you to do it.
Why not? I can afford it
Yes, and I can’t, so I don’t want you to.
Pride?
Self-respect.
Bullshit. The daughter of [REDACTED XREF CASE Perilous] won’t accept a gift from someone who want to give it to her
I hardly think you’re in a position to lecture me on pride.
Maybe I’m in precisely the position to do that. Maybe I understand it too well.
I appreciate the offer, but pride or no I will not be a charity case for the school dance.
Maybe its not charity. Maybe I’m being selfish. Maybe its my figuring out a way to do what I want to do: go to the dance with you
PAUSE 0:32
Alycia?
PAUSE 5:03
Fine. Text me the money.
If you find something send me a link to what you want or put it on your Amazon wishlist I can buy it for you and have it shipped
Amazon is the devil. http://www.latimes.com/opinion/op-ed/la-oe-koss-the-devil-as-amazon-20170604-story.html
Oooooooookay there are a lot of catalog cmopanies I can order from for you
I don’t want to give you my address, and I don’t want you knowing my dress size.
I can probably guess your dress size. I’m pretty good as spatial estimates
It’s the principle of the thing.
Ok how much do you need?
THIS IS EXTREMELY AWKWARD STOP ASKING QUESTIONS Будь ты проклят!!
Ah ok ill just send you some money
PAUSE 0:20
Fine.
PAUSE 0:14
Thank you.
No problem. Looking forward to the dance.
PAUSE 0:17
Oh I have one more question
WHAT?
What time should I pick you up?
END SMS STREAM
author: *** Dave H.
url: https://app.roll20.net/forum/permalink/6663370
