Instead of game tonight, may I present some memes?
Professor Magnus: Please bring back PURIFIED water with NO minterals added for taste.
Xeric: We got spring water.
Prof: NO!
Carabas: With EXTRA minerals.
Auoy: It’s like licking a stalagmite.
Prof: DON’T COME BACK!
Seirus: Hmmm cave water
Auoy: Carabas?
Carabas: Yes?
A: Give me the kazoo.
C: Why?
A: You’ve been playing it for 6 hours straight. We need to sleep.
C: * hands over the kazoo *
A: Thank you
A: * leaves *
C: * pulls out another kazoo *
Barry: Why does everyone take an instant dislike to me?
Xeric: It saves time.
Carabas: Come on, you have to sacrifice your life. I’m not asking you to do anything I wouldn’t do.
Auoy: You? You’d sacrifice your life for the good of everyone else?
Carabas: No, I’d sacrifice YOUR life for the good of everyone else.
Carabas: I think we can be evil, as a treat!
Seirus: We?
Carabas: We 
Auoy: You know archaic Loethia?
Seirus: Yeah I got bored with old Kilmerane.
A: You know Kilmerane?
S: Yeah someone from my baking club taught me.
A: YOU HAVE A BAKING CLUB?
S: You don’t know everything about me Landdweller. Now, do you want cookies or brownies?
(Homework is on page 280)
Xeric: Auoy, is that snake in your hair real or is it a hair accessory?
Auoy: Yes
Barry uses discord for the first time:
Barry_Ironhide has joined the server
Barry_Ironhide is typing
Barry_Ironhide has been banned. Reason: No Barrys allowed
[At Aaron’s funeral]
Professor Magnus: * places his hand on the headstone and sobs *
Prof: How could you do this to me? We are so understaffed
Xeric: Can we stay with you tonight?
Gwin: Both of you? What happened?
Carabas: The professor was playing with an ouija board and cursed the whole office
Seirus: Miss Pendleton wasn’t any help. She doesn’t know how to banish spirits, so she’s just throwing salt at them yelling “does this look like a hotel to you?”
(The spirit is Auoy…)
Miss Pendleton: [to the crew, who are gathered around a coffee maker] So… who broke it? [Nobody says a word] I’m not mad. I just want to know.
Auoy: I did. I broke-
MP: No, no you didn’t. Seirus?
Seirus: Don’t look at me. Look at Carabas.
Carabas: What? I didn’t break it.
S: Huh. That’s weird. How’d you even know it was broken?
C: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken.
S: [leans in on him] Suspicious.
C: If it matters - probably not - but Gwin was the last one to use it.
Gwin: Liar! I don’t even drink that crap!
C: Oh, really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?
G: I use the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles; everyone knows that, Carabas!
Auoy: Ok, ok! Let’s not fight! I broke it, let me pay for it, Miss Pendleton!
MP: No! Who broke it??!
S: [looks at Xeric, then at MP] Miss… Xeric’s been awfully quiet.
Xeric: REALLY??
S: Yeah! Really.
X: Oh, my God! [everyone starts arguing at one another except MP]
MP: [to the camera inside her office] I broke it. It burned my hand, so I punched it. I predict ten minutes from now they’ll be at each other’s throats with war paint on their faces and a pig head on a stick. [turns to look at the crew as they continue to argue, then looks back] Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.
Auoy: Why are you eating tofu?
Xeric: I’m trying to convince Carabas I’m vegan
A: Why?
X: Because I’ve been stealing chicken from his fridge and if I"m vegan, he can’t accuse me of stealing it
A: Why not just buy your own chicken?
X: This is much more fun, watch
Carabas: Okay! I have had enough! WHO THE HELL! IS EATING MY CHICKEN!?
Carabas: Okay. I get it. You’ve had a really hard time lately, you’re stressed out, seven people died -
Auoy: Twelve, actually.
C: Not the point.
C: Look, they’re dead now and really whose fault is that?
A: Yours
C: That’s right: no one’s
Seirus: I need life advice.
Xeric, sipping Gatorade and eating cookie dough: You came to the wrong person.
Miss Pendleton, watching the news: “Someone tried to fight a squid at the aquarium today!”
Xeric, walks in with Seirus, both covered in ink: Well maybe the squid was being a dickhead
Seirus: Speaking of money, how about the 20 Libra you owe me?
Carabas: Of course. Well, I only have 10 Libra. * takes out a 10L coin * So here’s a 10. I owe you 10.
S: Thanks
Xeric: Hey, you owe me 20 Libra
S: Well, here’s 10 and I owe you 10 * hands the coin to Xeric *
C: Ah, ah. You owe me 20L
X: Here’s 10L, I’ll owe you 10. * hands the coin back to Carabas *
C: Here’s the 10L I owe you. * Gives the coin to Seirus *
S: Here’s the 10L I owe you. * Gives the coin to Xeric *
X: Here’s the 10L I owe you. * Gives the coin back to Carabas *
C: Good! Now we’re all even! * Pockets the coin *
Carabas: Well, aren’t you sugar and spice and everything nice?
Seirus: Well, aren’t you rudeness and sarcasm and everything… uh…
Carabas: No, go on. You find something that rhymes with sarcasm and makes sense and I’ll stop acting like an asshole.
Custodian Naxas: Any last words?
Seirus: May thy fat head be set upon by sea spiders and torn asunder, leaving only thine eyes to witness the humiliation!
Xeric, taking notes: Ooh, pretty good last words…
Aaron: So, ummm… Where were yall born?
Carabas: With a chorus of angels
Xeric: I just straight up fucking spawned.
Auoy: In a rain of blood
Seirus: Bold of you to assume I was born in a comprehensible manner.
Aaron, looking at Miss Pendleton:
MP: I told you, these kids are fucked up
Megalos characters as text posts:
Auoy: my last word will probably be either “whoops” or “shit”
Carabas: Sorry if you don’t think I’m funny but that’s not my problem my target audience (me) has already been met
Miss Pendleton: Sorry for having great tits and correct opinions on everything. As if it’s my fault
Seirus (last episode): * trips and falls to the ground * parkour
Auoy: If you don’t terrify people a little bit then what’s the point.
Xeric: I always be so hard on myself for no reason like chill tf out bitch we one the same damn team
Barry: I’ve done nothing wrong. Except for all the atrocities. Besides that I’m innocent.
Carabas: The worst part about kissing a perfect ten is the cold feeling your lips get from touching the mirror.
Auoy: What do you mean Just Standing There Ominously doesn’t count as socializing
Xeric: “I could fix him” I could break him. I could snap that fucker in half