Nono: I’ve got a crossover fic where She-ra’s Princesses are element benders and Adora is trying to unite the various nations to fight off the Darkness Nation!
Mette: I’m not sure what any of that means, but you sound excited
Nono: I am! And you can help!
Mette: what do you need help with?
Nono: (offering sword) hold this, and strike a suitably heroic pose with it while I sketch!
Mette: um. I feel kind of awkward if it’s just me standing here holding a weapon?
Nono: don’t worry, you won’t be alone!
Emma: (wearing cat ears, looking appalled) sup
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Alex: first the bad news. They’re only giving us a school bus to get around in
Joey: that sucks
Alex: well there’s good news, I got a supplemental budget for “any necessary modifications”
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Joe: I’m really hoping someone says That’s No Moon.
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Alex: so “badass” implies some kind of wimpy “good ass”, but the apparent cognates “lousy ass” and “nice ass” trade in the connotations of danger and refocus on an evaluation of the body.
Alex: any questions?
English Teacher: I’m wondering why I let students pick their own words for this assignment
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Kiln: I’ve got it! I’ve got a name for our team!
Alex: Let’s hear it. Anything is better than “The Awesome Surge Suppressors”
Kiln: The Super Outsiders !!!
Kiln: Cause, you know, we’re outsiders. And we’re super heroes. So, the Super Outsiders.
Alex: Alright then. The Awesome Surge Suppressors is looking pretty good.
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Joey: Okay. Fine. We’ll name the team in the language of my people: Ugh-urk-uhhh-urgh-ugh.
Roddy: Cool! Gorilla talk!
Joey: Huh?
Mette: What – what does it mean?
Joey: I dunno. It’s the sounds Dad used to make when Mom told him he had to make a decision he didn’t want to.
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Kiln: What about The Crimson Rebels
Kiln: Cause outsiders tend to be rebels. And we skipped class the other day. And the outfits Principle Hellbinder gave us are red.
Joey: If you honestly think I’m gonna wear that suit, think again. One-size-fits-all was not made for 800 pound gorilla size.
Kiln: What if we changed the color of the suits? … Then we could be the Rainbow Rebels !!!
Alex: Mi amigo, I am all for pride but unfortunately some people get all up in arms about that sort of thing.
Joey: Of course. What is better than a gorilla, but a Rainbow Gorilla.
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Kiln: I’ve really got it this time!
Joey: Dare I ask.
Kiln: The Crackerjacks !
Joey: What?!
Kiln: Alex said that we are kinda a jack-of-all-trades team. And Roddy always has a pack of crackers he eats during class. And someone was talking about how crackerjacks are really good and we want to do good so I figured we could be Crackerjacks.
Alex: The more you hero the more crime you stop?
(These are all based on names that came up from the name generator)
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Kiln: The Wonder Masters ?
Alex: It’ll be a wonder if we ever come up with a decent name.
Roddy: We always have the Awesome Surge Suppressors !
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Mette: If any of the temples take us out of time and space, we could be the Quantum Outsiders !
Alex: If that happens we’ll have bigger problems than our team name, which is actually encouraging. Let’s go break time and space everyone!
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Alex: And half of us are nuts.
Joey: (softly, glancing at Mette) Plus we have a prize inside.
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Kiln: Enigma Hunters?
Alex: Eh.
Kiln: The Nightmare Rebels?
Joey: These names are nightmares.
Kiln: The Renegades?
Alex: Synonym.
Kiln: The Anomalies?
Joey: Nope.
Kiln: The Fruitcakes?
Alex: Seriously! Where are you getting these?!
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Alex: Fine. Enough with the silly Internet meme generators. I’ve repurposed the mainframe at Langley, the quantum installation in Beijing, and the Colossus knock-off at Yasenevo. I’ve fed in all comic book history, super-group registries from all the G20 nations, and detailed personality profiles of the team. This will create the one, true, best name for our group.
Kiln: It’s like magic.
Mette: Crude technology, but the best available.
Joey: Well? WELL?
Alex: (Glancing at his phone) (Sighs) “The Awesome Outsiders”.
Roddy: NAILED IT!
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Alex: Fine. As a group name I choose the 616 Club.
Roddy: That seems … arbitrary.
Alex: It’s an alternative translation to Revelations 13 … the Number of the Beast.
Joey: Hey –
Kiln: The selection of proper numbers is a practice of the Slate Priests.
Roddy: Like an alt-666? Like The Omen? That is so cool!
Mette: Certain branches of transdimensional physics postulate 616 planes of existence.
Alex: Which make much more sense than fifty-two …
Joey: What’s all this “beast” stuff?
Mette: Though in a more rational duodecimal system, 616 is rendered 434. Or, vice-versa, 882 decimal from duodecimal.
Kiln: Or 4431 in the handbase of the Slate Priests. Perhaps that is a … meaningful date? The ascendance of a great ruler?
Joey: Wait, my Mom used to go on about the Number of the Beast. I thought that was –
Roddy: Slab of glass to the neck for the win!
Mette: What?!
Alex: I actually didn’t mean –
Joey: Fine. All right. You want this? YOU WANT THE NUMBER OF THE BEAST?!
Roddy: “Wrong? What could be wrong with our child, Robert?” I love that movie!
Kiln: There are children involved?
Mette: Abandoned. Thought of as beyond incorporation to the crew.
Kiln: Seeking redemption. Seeking to belong.
Alex: It was just a comic book –
Joey: I SPEAK FOR THE BEASTS! LET THEM HOWL!
Roddy: Cue creepy choir singing in Latin!
Kiln: And we shall heat bars of iron, and let the scars of that blaze bring us together under the Number of …
Alex: And you expect me to actually type a report of how this all went so horribly wrong?
Mette: The CrewComm will be merciful. To unlock a code sequence to the Great Mission grants you many cafcredits.
Joey: Man, I hate math.
Roddy: Glad to tutor you, best bud!
Kiln: Wait. In this time-space, perhaps binary would be best.
Mette: 1001101000
Alex: IT’S BEAUTIFUL …
Hellbinder: (Turning from monitor) I’m getting too old for this shit.
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Alex: I put together a jungle exploration costume. I thought I should pick an alias in case we get arrested.
Alex: I will be known as Robin. Robin Toomes.
Joey: they will arrest you anyway just for making that joke.
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SURGE: are you sure those five are ready to travel internationally and face danger?
Hellbinder: hmm, not really
SURGE: then why approve their club’s plans?
Hellbinder: do you have any idea how great it’ll be to have them gone for days at a time?
SURGE: plan computed as logical
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Sergeant Surge: Ms. Aris, “able to generate diegetic eye sparkles when I wink” is not a superpower.
Jillian: Well it should be! I spent three weeks trying to get that right!
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