Seirus: I use my invocations of the River of Souls to draw the attention of enemies, hold them on me rather than attacking my companions, and prevent their attacks from bringing me down
Carabas: so that makes you qualified to give me relationship advice?
Seirus: I’m saying I’m very attractive but don’t just fall for anyone, so yes
Carabas: I’m just saying that I’m a charming lad and a dashing rogue
Auoy: you mean whenever you’re charming a maiden and her father shows up, you dash
Xeric: I don’t have any relationship advice to offer, there’s far too much darkness in my soul
Carabas: you’ve been willfully single all your life
Xeric: well, true
Carabas: on the other hand, that’s made every woman in the world very happy
Xeric: hey!
Xeric: why couldn’t we visit an ancient temple aligned with curry? Why does it have to be elemental forces?
Seirus: maybe curry was invented after the temples were created
Xeric: so they didn’t have curry in that era? No wonder those guardian spirits are so angry
Seirus: Octopi could hug 4 people at once, because Eledone, the great god of cephalopods, blessed them with this ability. However, they don’t hug even one person because they have made a covenant with the devil. Any questions?
Aeyrn: Where is the Professor?
Seirus: In a better place now. Sit down immediately
Carabas: You are so scientific but still believe in something like a god for cephalopods? What would they even need a god for?
Seirus: Well you see, it all dates back to the great Atlantean Octopoda War of 631 AC - that’s Age of the Cephalopoda for you heathens - in which
Professor: Auoy, I’m going to need a human skull and I can’t have you ask any questions why.
Auoy: Only if you don’t ask why.
P: What?
A: *pulls out 7 pristine human skulls * take your pick
P:
A:
P: *takes one * This one is fine.
(This one honestly works with any of the characters)
Aarons: We made tea.
Kavo: I don’t want tea.
Erin: We didn’t make you tea. This is our tea.
Kavo: Then why did you tell me?
Aeryn: It was a conversation starter.
Kavo: It’s a horrible conversation starter.
Aaron: Oh, is it? We’re conversing. Checkmate.
Seirus: One time I got catfished.
Carabas: You would go fishing for cats?! I knew your people were brutes of the first order.
Seirus: No, an actual catfish showed up to discuss my paper!
Seirus: It was smarter than half the professors at that conference.
Barry: I can’t believe you assassinated the Custodian!
Carabas: Well, ‘assassinated’ implies it was politically motivated. I killed him because he was a dick, so technically I murdered him.
Barry: I don’t think that’s better.
Carabas, eating cereal: Ah, Hello again. We really need to stop meeting like this.
Barry, who walked out of his bedroom in his house into his kitchen: Maybe we would, if you would sTOP BREAKING INTO MY HOUSE!!
Xeric: “You’ll never find the body” is such a boring threat. A better threat would be; “You’ll never stop finding the body.”
Auoy: Or just say, “They’ll be finding parts of you for at least four months.”
Carabas: Now that’s a threat!
Seirus, covering the Professor’s ears: Think of the archaeologists!
Xeric: I just electrocuted myself.
Carabas: How shocking.
Seirus: How do you feel currently?
Xeric: I feel kinda ampled.
Auoy: Watt? I can’t hear you.
Miss Pendelton: Are they okay?
Gwin: This is normal, they’re fine.
MP: But he was just -
Gwin: He’s fine. I’d honestly be more concerned if he wasn’t making puns.
Gwin, to the Crew: How do you usually get out of these types of messes?
Seirus: We don’t. We make a bigger mess that makes people forget the first one.
Erin: I went through an entire character arc last night. Who knew being bad could feel so good?
Kavo, curious: What did you do?
Erin, proudly: I took the last double chocolate chip cookie from the cookie jar!
Kavo: Without permission?
Erin: Pfft, of course I asked first. How else is Miss Pendleton supposed to know to refill it later for everyone else?
Kavo: Of course you did.
