Alex: Goodnight moon! 
Moon: You should’ve been saying goodnight 5 hours ago. It’s 4 am. Get your life together.
2 Likes
Kiln: One bonus of not being from this time is grossly misusing modern slang on purpose and watching teens cry inside.
Kiln: A fine example. Yesterday I pointed at a passing duck and, while looking Synch in the eye, went “Man is that bae or what?” and the look on Synch’s face is something I will treasure for years.
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Alex: so how come you get to be a Special Agent and I’m just an Agent.
Walker: You shouldn’t even be an agent, kid. You should be a kid.
Alex: Yeah. Wholesome grandpa meme. Didn’t answer my question, tho.
3 Likes
Alex: Seriously. Special Agent.
Walker: I can investigate major crimes and arrest suspects.
Alex: I can’t ARREST people?
Walker: ~sighs~ Did we say you could, at any point, or tell you how?
Alex: There is a LOT of stuff I figured you just forgot!
Walker: Because I’m old and senile?
Alex: ALSO for those valid reasons!
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Alex: When they sing “Right Hand Man” and he says “dying is easy, young man, living is harder”, you’re gonna be bawling like a baby
Agent Waters: what are you doing?
Alex: giving the perp his Miranda warning
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Kiln: Goodnight, Moon! 
Joe: You do know that–
Kiln: Oh by Zaren, I don’t actually think the Moon is a person. I’m a barbarian, not an idiot.
Joe: Oh. That was really insensitive of me. Sorry.
Kiln: Besides, the Elder Greys on their Darkside base prevented the Moon from becoming sentient. Any youngling at the campfires knows that tale.
Joe: Goodnight, Moon.
Sync: Seeing your face, turned upward into the moonlight, is like one of those beautiful moments in a BBC nature documentary.
Joe: I was just thinking about Aunt Edie reading that story to me. When she still talked with me.
Sync: Okay, that’s kind of like the dark side of those BBC nature documentaries.
Mette: Goodbye, Moon.
Alex: It’s Goodnight, Moon.
Mette: I actually remember saying goodbye to the Moon as we fled Dead Earth, so sitfu.
Sync: Goodnight, Moon.
Alex: You people really are obsessed over that children’s book.
Sync: No, it’s just that heroes are polite.
2 Likes
Our first villain:
1 Like
Now taking bets as to whether this has any bearing on the actual belief system of Kiln’s people or whether they are just messing with Joe.
Joe: Where were you? Homeroom started an hour ago.
Kiln, about to make up an entire mythos on the spot: Oh, don’t you guys still celebrate Faron Day?
2 Likes
I look forward to learning more about your character. 
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Cop: hey we got a report of a giant gorilla climbing the Tower downtown with a girl in his arms, can your team come assist us?
Alex: Joe’s on a date, please leave him be
Alex: on second thought, can you guys give us your surveillance feed? I’m curious how he does
2 Likes
Troll: oh look, if it isn’t Zelda! And you’ve assembled the Tri-hard Force!
Synchronous: psst, Kiln. You need to respond to this. Say, “I’m about to end this man’s whole career”
Kiln: Uh… I’m about to end this man’s hole…?
Synchronous: I mean, that technically still sounds pretty bad for him, so good job.
Kiln: 
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Like Alex doesn’t already have the surveillance feed …
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Waters: how’s your monitoring coverage for the team?
Alex: not great. I don’t have any usable footage
Waters: what’s the problem?
Alex: Synchronous can time the camera movements and duck past them. Kiln keeps hitting my drones with a boomerang. Mette has some kind of high-tech gizmo.
Waters: what about Mighty Joe Young? He’s a big hairy gorilla, he should be easy to keep track of.
(sounds of Joe singing in the shower)
Alex: (deadpan) unexplained technical difficulties
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Teacher: Ahem. Shelby, are you paying attention?
Alex: Definitely
Teacher: To what’s going on in class?
Alex: (looking at phone) Oh that’s what you meant
4 Likes
Mette: this place is amazing. It’s so grand, so awe-inspiring. Our starship had nothing like it.
Synchronous: this… is an empty parking lot
Mette: there’s so much room!
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Joe: Listen, uh, I need… something from AEGIS
Alex: What?
Joe: Money
Alex: For?
Joe: … Stuff
Alex: They’re gonna ask. What stuff?
Joe: Shampoo and conditioner. Like, a lot of it. And Drano.
4 Likes
Alex: fine, I’ll do the meme
Alex: goodnight, moon
Synchronous: see that wasn’t so hard
(The next morning)
Alex: (bleary-eyed) fuck you, sun
3 Likes
Kiln: Every born hero has one constant truth at the center of their life. What is yours?
Synchronous: stress
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Kiln: if you have an animal companion, value yourself in the same way the animal values and cherishes you
Alex: oh no
Kiln: what is wrong?
Alex: I’m a cat person
2 Likes
AEGIS Handler: In AEGIS, we call that a “traumatic event,” not a [turns to Joe] “bruh moment,” or a [turns to Synch] “major l,” or an [turns to Alex] “oof lmao”
3 Likes