Alex: god dammit, I have to upgrade my wifi again
Joey: I’m surprised setting up a router would be hard for you
Alex: yours isn’t wired into the occipital lobe of your brain
Joey: No, but I always have to call Xfinity tech support
Alex: okay so we’re both risking brain damage with every upgrade
3 Likes
Evan: I bet you are all wondering why I have called you here today.
Chris: If you’re planning any funny business I’m out, pretty boy.
Poly-Anna: Are you asking for chemistry help again?
Kiln: You physically dragged me here.
Evan: Let the first meeting of the Pointy Eared Club commence!
2 Likes
Alex: so you have a way to look human now
Joey: yes!
Alex: and you think you can hang out better with your classmates and friends
Joey: yes!
Alex: and pal around with the cute blonde teenager as a bearded homeless dude
Joey: … I hate you more than life
2 Likes
Alex: Great adventure, gang! What’s for lunch?
Kiln: Quinoa bowl, with bacon bits.
Joey: A dozen grilled cheese sandwiches.
Mette: Looks like they have some delicious peaches over there.
Roddy: I still have a ziplock of crunchberries in chocolate milk. I’m good.
2 Likes
Ryan B: So these will be your disguises …
Roddy: Awesome! So, like super-spies!
Ryan B: Uh …
Alex: Totally.
Roddy: “SECRET AGENT MAN! SECRET AGENT MAN! THEY’RE GIVIN’ YOU A NUMBER, AND THEY’RE TAKIN’ AWAY YOUR NAME!”
Alex: It’s actually a more collaborative process.
2 Likes
Roddy: Wait. So you’re a secret agent?
Alex: Um, yes, you know this.
Roddy: Right, but I stopped paying attention to it. I mean, it’s not like you act like a super-spy all the time.
Alex: I know I’m going to regret this.
Roddy: I mean, you don’t shoot a fancy sniper rifle.
Alex: That you’ve seen.
Roddy: You don’t wear a tux.
Alex: I went to my cousin’s wedding last summer.
Roddy: You don’t seduce hot chicks.
Alex: … you really did stop paying attention, didn’t you?
2 Likes
Alex: Peter Jackson’s Lord of the Rings trilogy is an incredible adaptation of the source material.
Roddy: Awesomely detailed battle scenes.
Kiln: The scattering of ruins across the countryside, harkening to an age of greatness now passed.
Alex: The near-flawless use of various practical and CG techniques to create races of different sizes.
Mette: The sense of loss, of departure, of alienation from what was.
Joey: The Uruk-Hai are cool.
Others: (Blink)
Joey: I mean, really, they got a raw deal.
Others: (Blink)
Joey: Fine. Um. I ship Farowyn. Okay?
Others: (Sigh of relief)
2 Likes
Alex: Star Wars vs Star Trek. Go.
Roddy: Yawn. Except Kirk shirtless fights, because he’s an animal.
Kiln: The depth of history behind the Star Wars universe is intriguing.
Mette: Star Trek’s vision of an ideal future is uplifting. Though its paranoia about eugenically-selected slowship crews is kind of insulting.
Joey: Oh, I don’t know. Giant hairy creatures are terrifying monsters to destroy, or giant hairy creatures are key members of the franchise. Let me consider this a moment.
Alex: Wait. I was asking for a comparative evaluation of official and fan website structures.
2 Likes
Joey: Alex, gimme some of that super-spy advice for being suave and seductive. How do I put the moves on girls?
Alex: well from personal experience, telling them about your 12th level paladin does not work
3 Likes
Joey: Kiln, give me some of that ancient advice for being suave and seductive. How do I put the moves on girls?
Kiln: At the Festival of the Seventh Messenger, place a pitted ziana fruit upon her pillow while she is at sword drill during the Hours of the Sparrow. They love that.
Joey: Really?
Kiln: Actually, the guys do, too.
2 Likes
Joey: Watch this! I have a plan!
Alex: I can hardly wait.
Joey: Mette, give me some of that futuristic advice for being suave and seductive. How do I put the moves on girls?
Mette: Arrange coordinated shift schedules through CentCom. Have matching genecharts confirmed through MedControl. Work with FacAitchArr for common bunking assignments.
Joey: Uh …
Mette: I had no idea you had autonomous mating plans, Joey. Good luck to you!
Joey: Dammit, Jason …
2 Likes
Joey: I want to march in there and punch Hellbinder!
Alex: but that’ll just perpetuate the cycle of violence!
Joey: (smashing fist into palm) that’s what I wanted to hear
3 Likes
Mette: Jillian helped me look nice for a date with Evan, but now I’m scared. Kiln, we’re friends, right? Help me!
Kiln: I can teach you the litany against fear, or the seven brave deeds of Kolvar, or–
Mette: no, just-- uh, go on a date with Jillian so I can watch and see what I’m supposed to do
Kiln: I thought we were friends
3 Likes
Alex: There’s a conspiracy here, but they don’t know we know! That puts us ahead!
Mette: We must stay calm, and choose our moves for maximum effectiveness.
Kiln: By pursuing duty and discipline, we shall prevail.
Joey: Ima gonna punch someone.
Roddy: Sounds fun, I’ll punch someone, too!
Joey: You had to take all the fun out of it.
2 Likes
(The team confronts a large chasm. Joey has already jumped to the other side.)
Joey: Roddy, it’s fine, just jump
Roddy: are you sure you can catch me if I fall?
Joey: I didn’t say anything about catching anyone
3 Likes
Gothwitch: darkness is my only true companion
Roddy: that sounds kind of gloomy and sad
(Jillian walks by)
Gothwitch: well darkness keeps my secrets, instead of posting gossip to insta like some people
3 Likes
Mette: How about we switch? You go on the date with Evan and then tell me what I’m supposed to do!
Kiln: That’s not better!
3 Likes
(Mette and Kiln shop this idea around to the team)
Roddy: (has disappeared with perfect timing)
Alex: I’d rather catch fire and die
Joey: (growling and balling hands into fists) why yes, I’ll spend time alone with Evan…
2 Likes
Mette: Jillian please you have to help me. I don’t know what I’m supposed to do on a date and I asked my team but none of them would agree to go on a test date and-
Jillian: Hold up. You asked an antisocial computer nerd, a delinquent who’s never at school, someone who doesn’t even know how to tie their shoes, and a literal monkey for dating advice?
Mette: Well, yes.
Jillian: You need more help than I thought.
2 Likes
Mette: Alex, can you write a program to search the student rosters and do matchmaking? I seriously need help here!
Alex: you could be from the 41st millennium and I still won’t believe you can reduce that to a computer algorithm
1 Like